Monday, November 7, 2016

Happiness: A 30 Day Challenge to leave bad feelings behind once and for all

I.                    Introduction
Everyone wants to be happy. We all desire to be happy while we are in this world but life is not always pleasant and it is easy to slide down the pit of misery when things don’t go your way. Happiness is a choice. It may seem easy but it can be a bit challenging especially during times of trials. It is easy to be happy when things are looking up, but can you still be happy when life becomes difficult? What if you lost your job or a family member is terribly ill? How can you still be happy during these times?
As you can see, happiness is a choice and a commitment at the same time. It’s a matter of perspective and depends on how you get to see things. Is the glass half empty or half full? Are you optimistic or do you get to see the negative sides of things at all times? Optimism and enthusiasm are key elements to make one feel happy. When you are looking forward to something then you become happier. When you look at your future and you don’t see the point in what you’re doing, then how can you possibly be happy?
The fact that you’re reading this means that you WANT to be happy. This book will help you jumpstart your way to a life full of happiness. Change the way you see things and change the way you look at yourself each day and you’d be amazed at how the world start to look different.
Those with depression may find it more difficult to choose to be happy because depression is a mental health issue that needs to be dealt with accordingly. Depression makes you feel hopeless, helpless and/or worthless that lasts for days, even months. It prevents you from functioning normally. Lack of energy and enthusiasm to be with other people are often the initial symptoms. The feeling of wanting to end your life is another symptom that is very critical and should not be taken for granted by the people around the person suffering from this condition. Do know that clinical depression is treatable.
If you are suffering from clinical depression, it is very important that one seek psychiatric help and group or family efforts to get you through it. Depression is not similar to sadness. A depressed person sees the world differently. There’s always that voice within their minds that tells them all the negatives and they start to doubt themselves or even hate themselves. As a piece of advice, if you think that you are suffering from depression then the best thing to do first is to go to a psychiatrist who may be able to prescribe you with an anti-depressant that can really make such a big impact to your life.
With depression aside let us focus on how one can achieve true happiness even when life’s blows are hard. So are you ready to be happy? Are you ready to throw out that frown in your face and change it to a radiant smile? If your answer is YES then you are making that first step. The step claiming happiness to be yours. It’s yours for the taking.




II.                  Jumpstart your journey to happiness

Commitment. It is what is essential to make this journey to happiness a success. Start when you are fully committed to really make that move. Fight the negativity as much as possible and religiously follow the steps provided in this book to help you each day until your 30th day then continue on after. This 30 day challenge means that you will have to follow the steps each and every day for 30 days but that doesn’t mean on the 31st day you’d go back to be the way you were before. By making the decision to commit means you commit to do the challenge and to continue on. It won’t be hard after the 30 days because then you’d already notice the difference. You’d feel happier and more enthusiastic about your life.
Give yourself some time to really think this through. Take time to absorb the challenge and don’t start when you are only half ready. Start when you can fully commit to read this book up to the very end and follow the daily challenges you have to do. Trust me it’s going to be fun. After all, you want to be happy right? So you’d surely have fun in the process. You’d also feel enlightened as you throw away the burden within you.
The opposite of happiness they say is sadness. Truth is the real opposite of happiness is emptiness. I interviewed many individuals who felt unhappy because they felt empty. Some even claim to wish they are just sad than for them to feel empty. Emptiness leads to the feeling of being lost. Emptiness leads to the feeling of worthlessness, useless, and so on. The feeling of emptiness is invisible. One can easily say a person is sad based on the circumstance he/she may be experiencing but the empty feeling a person has cannot be seen. There are no signs and symptoms known by others but the sufferer.
Feeling empty inside isn’t a crime. Don’t feel guilty whenever you feel empty even when you’re surrounded by a lot of people or you have a lot of achievements in life. Some may even ask you, you have everything so how come you are still not happy? This is a question that can put one in an even deeper hole and the feeling of worthlessness sinks in even deeper. Truth is the feeling of emptiness is only the works of the real enemy. You know, it’s that voice in your head that slams you with negativity. How do you combat this? By pouring your thoughts with POSITIVITY. The solution to feeling empty is to give yourself a PURPOSE.
So think hard about that. Are you sad or are you feeling empty? Chances are, you’re feeling the latter that’s why you got this book to help you feel happy again.
So let us jumpstart your journey to happiness. Make that commitment right now while reading this that you are determined to find joy in your life and to shun off the emptiness in your heart!



III.                Know what to fight against
In order to fight off feeling empty you need to know who and what your enemy is. What are the bad feelings you have that pulls you away from happiness? It is best that you list those down. This list would be important for long-term because then you can find solutions to combat these problems.
Always remember that even though you are a good person (or even if you’re not) bad things do happen to everyone and that includes you. Most often, life can be quite unfair. Unemployment, marital problems, accidents, natural disasters, problems in the family, financial problems, etc. are real problems people face. We were brought up with this idea that if you do well you’d be rewarded and if you do badly then that’s when you’d be punished. As a child this may be applicable as the reward system of our parents but as we become adults this is no longer the case. That’s when people get upset. You do well in your job yet someone else gets promoted. You did your best in your relationship yet your partner broke up with you or found someone else. You can become quite angry and frustrated thinking life is so unfair! Why is this happening to you? Why is this other person having what you’re supposed to have? See, life is indeed unfair but you have to remember also that life is unfair to EVERYONE else too and not just to YOU.
So, if everyone has their fair share of life disappointments then how come you know people who are still genuinely happy with their lives and some who are quite miserable? Is it because those who are happy are being rewarded for being good while the miserable ones are being punished whether they do good or bad? The big answer is NO.
You may be shocked to know that the person you find quite happy had lost a child, lost a job or never got married. Same way that you may be shocked that the most miserable person you know is actually with a great job and a hot wife. But why is there such a difference between these two people? Is there a magic formula for the happier man vs. the miserable man? The answer is they chose to feel that way. Yes, it is a CHOICE.
So what should you be fighting against? Fight against the negativity in your life. Bottom line is there are two types of feelings. All that you feel can simply be associated with “feeling good” and “feeling bad”. Of course happiness is in the “good” list and emptiness or sadness is in the “bad” list. But what other feelings are there? Here are the lists of some of these feelings.
The other “good” feelings
1.       Challenged- When you feel challenged you become eager. You feel like doing your best to accomplish what challenges you. This feeling makes you do better because you want to achieve something. This is what many ball players feel when they play the game. Have you watched one of those movies about sports? Usually in the last quarter the players are disheartened because they feel they could not win the game. Then the coach comes in and would usually make up this speech about how to win and what it takes to win this game. Then the players shout out in glee as they run towards the court to play and they end up winning! What the coach did was he came in to talk to his players who were already disheartened and at the brink of giving up. He then challenged them. Are you in this with me? Are you ready to fight the fight of your life with me? With the team? This brings out that positive feeling of being challenged. Adrenaline sets in and boom! They do the best they could and win the game!

Find something that you always wanted to do and challenge yourself to do it. You’d find it amazing how that could really keep you upbeat and excited about life. Being challenged for a goal gives your life more value because you yearn to achieve something.

2.       Hope- It could get better. The feeling of hope is a very positive feeling. No matter what challenges one face, if one has hope then he/she feels alright. People suffering from cancer can still be hopeful. They focus on getting healed and they become enthusiastic to fight the cancer battle. Hope is a feeling you feel when you know whatever you’re going through now will eventually pass. Nothing in this world is permanent. Whatever trials one face won’t be the end. It will pass. Things will get better. The future will look brighter. Just imagine being a person at the brink of death and still feel hope. They remain hopeful for their future. Perhaps some accepts the reality of death but they remain hopeful because they also believe there is more to this life than the life we live on Earth so there is nothing to fear. They hope for a better life in that place and they hope for better lives for the ones they have to leave behind. Hope is a choice you also make in whatever circumstance you face. Once you have this feeling in your heart, everything feels a lot lighter than it were before.

3.       Confidence- “I can do it!” “I know this!” “I am good at what I’m doing.” When you say this to yourself and you know in your heart it is true then you are confident to face whatever challenges you have. Example, I have this friend who was not that good in class when we were in college. Then I have this other friend who excelled quite well. We had to take this very important exam and we studied hard for it. One day there was this professor who asked the class this very important question. He asked who amongst us believe that we are going to pass this exam. My classmate who wasn’t that good in class raised his hand right away. My classmate who was doing well and getting good grades all the time didn’t. The professor then said, “Sam because you believe you are going to pass then you will pass.” The professor explained that confidence combined with hard work is the key to success. I just listened to him but never really believed him. Who is Sam to be sure to pass this exam we all feared? I was doubtful that he can make it. Exam day came and went and result came in. Sam did pass. My other friend, barely. That’s when I knew that confidence is indeed very important. Despite all the sneering look Sam got, he raised his hand because he believed and conquered the fear of the exams and that’s how he managed to make it. Sam is now a very successful man while my other classmate is doing a 9 to 5 job and doesn’t seem to be happy with his career.

4.       Satisfaction- It is a feeling of being fulfilled or contented. There are many ways you can feel satisfied in your life. One, you will feel satisfaction if you are successful in doing something you desired. When you are hungry and you get to eat you feel satisfied after eating. Same thing when you have accomplished a goal. If you have not set any goals or you feel like you have no desires because you are feeling the blues, you can also feel satisfaction when you help out others in need.


5.       Interest- Every human being has desires to do things, explore new places, venture into love, etc. We all have desires and the curiosity to venture and seek those desires is where the feeling of interest is felt. Once you start feeling the interest for a person, a thing, or a place, you open yourself to the possibility of exploring those interests and in turn you get to experience something that you once just desired. Interest is a very positive feeling that keeps you going. Just imagine how boring your life would be if you are not interested in anything!
Of course there are many other positive feelings that will lead to a person’s happiness. One other positive feeling that I did not list down because it deserves to be singled out is the feeling of JOY. Just consider joy as the top of all the positive feelings out there. If you seek for happiness, go and seek further more for joy. What makes joy different from happiness is something that may be a bit tricky to explain. Happiness is a positive emotion that you feel from being satisfied, contented or having a wonderful and pleasurable experience while joy is a much stronger emotion that is not as common. You can experience joy from doing a selfless act, helping the poor and seeing the gratitude in their faces, being spiritually connected to the Almighty gives this kind of emotion. Joy is spiritual while happiness is more of earthly or self-focal. Happiness is an outward emotion while joy is inward that gives you contentment and great peace. Happiness is sought everyday while joy lingers on for a long time, even for a lifetime.
You can say happiness and joy are somewhat interrelated. When you become happy you somewhat become joyful too. You cannot be joyful without being happy. If you are looking for a long-term type of happiness then you got to find out what things in your life that could lead you to feeling joyful. A person who has lost a lot can still be joyful about his life because he chose to tap into his spirituality and find hope in everything, despite all the negative things happening in this world.
Seek for joy and your happiness would not be temporal.
The other “bad” feelings
1.       FEAR- Fear is an illusion of the mind. We fear for the unknown. We fear for what can happen that may actually never really happen. Fear keeps us in our cocoon, not wanting to leave our comfort zone to explore and optimize the life we are given. Fear drives away the “good” feeling of enthusiasm, interest, confidence, hope and many others. Once you fear, you put a stop to yourself from doing what could actually lead to something amazing. Many people who suffer from great deal of fear go through stages of treatments to help them. What is the best way to combat fear? By facing what you fear and conquer it. Once you do, it would feel great!

Many unhappy people who fight with fear usually fights with the fear of rejection or being unwanted. They feel like they are not worth people’s attention or time so they won’t even try. For example, they are good employees and there’s a higher position available that they know they are quite qualified for. But, because of their fear, they won’t even try to claim that position against others. They already judged themselves before allowing others to judge them based on the criteria for the position. Instead of having a chance if they tried, they gave themselves a 0% chance because they didn’t even try in fear that they won’t make it. Because of fear, they actually end up not making it which is what they feared the most to begin with!

2.       Guilt- One of the crippling “bad” feeling there is is guilt. Let’s face it, nobody’s perfect. We all make mistakes. We may have hurt some people along the way without really meaning it. If we all could turn back time we would have at least once done that to avoid making the mistakes we made in the past. But because we’re human and time is only one-way, we can’t do that. We make mistakes and we learn from them, we move on. But it may not be that easy for those who are more prone to feeling guilty. It’s okay to feel it once in awhile but you have to deal with it so you could move on. Do not allow yourself to feel guilty and allow the guilty feeling to pile-up on you. If you will, it’s going to exhaust you and it may be hard to pull yourself away from that mental state later.

3.       Doubt- It is also somewhat related to fear in a way as it stops you before you even get started to do something. It is a feeling of uncertainty. Usually, doubt is about one’s capacity. You doubt yourself if you can do a good job. You doubt if you’d ever be happy in your life. You doubt you could even finish this 30-day challenge for happiness. Whenever you doubt, you stop yourself from even trying to reach that goal. Throwing away one’s doubt can be life-changing. Do not doubt yourself that you can actually be happy because you can choose it and it will be yours. Doubt is a very destructive emotion that plagues a lot of people. People who barely doubt themselves become more successful in life. Can you think of people you know who are high achievers in their work though they were not that successful in school? One of the reasons for their success is that they believe they can do it, never doubted for a second and went on to accomplish their goal.
Doubt is not always wrong. Sometimes our intuition kicks in and we doubt the people around us or the situation we are in. Do not disregard this feeling right away. Instead, use rational thinking based on the facts at hand to see if your feeling of doubt is valid or not.

4.       Anger or hate- A very strong feeling that usually arise when things don’t go as planned or if people do things that just tip you off. This is a very destructive feeling that could really affect a person not just emotionally but also socially. It can even affect one’s health. Anger is a normal feeling but what you do with that anger can make or break you. If you get angry over small things or issues then people may find it difficult to deal with you. In the end, you’d end up isolated in your own little world because people are too afraid to even go near you. Suppressing your anger is not good either. If you just suppress it then eventually you’d still end up exploding. Just think of dormant volcanoes with fire burning within them without erupting. Eventually the pressure inside builds that the volcano eventually explodes and it explodes powerfully. Expressing one’s anger need not be catastrophic in nature. You can express it by just clearly explaining what makes you angry and then find solutions to the problem. Managing one’s anger is the key to a happier life.
Allow yourself to exhale that fume without burning the persons around you. Be aware that you are angry and be careful with the words you choose. A great way to fight the possibility of saying harsh or painful words is to first give your time to relax before making a confrontation with someone who made you angry or hateful.

5.       Jealousy- If you think others are luckier than you and it does not make you feel happy for them then you are jealous of them. If you only see the good in people and take it against them because they are better than you then you’d end up struggling to see what’s good in your life too! You have to look at people’s success by checking out what they had to go through in order to reach that success. Sure there are others who become quite successful or very lucky without much effort while you may have to go through life painstakingly and still not get even half of the success they’re getting but that is because this is your life and that is theirs. Each story is written differently but you cannot base one’s success in just one aspect of life. Jealousy is triggered when you keep on looking at other people’s lives instead of focusing on improving your own life. It’s that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence kind of thinking and not wanting to be on your side of the fence and want to jump to your neighbor’s side and enjoy what they have. Only to realize that on the other side is actually lonelier while on your side there’s a lot more that you have not seen. Then you start thinking the other side is better and you want to jump again.
Focus on what you have and enjoy them. You may not have the same fortunate fate in business as others but you may have a loving wife waiting for you at home and kids who love you. There are a lot of priceless things you can find in your life that you may have not given much notice yet.
What is the way to get rid of jealousy? Appreciate the fortunes of others and appreciate your own fortunes too.

These are just 5 of the negative or “bad” feelings that may pull you away from happiness. It is important to identify such feelings everyday and know that these feelings are unwanted and that you have to find ways to combat these feelings because you want to be happy.

Think of it this way, you want to focus on feeling good therefore you push the bad feelings away. Whenever you feel bad or you feel one of the “bad” feelings, think of what “good” feeling should you focus on to get rid of the bad feeling that’s plaguing you at the moment. For example, if you are feeling doubtful about yourself if you have what it takes to achieve such a goal, why not change that and challenge yourself instead?





IV.                  The 30-day challenge begins!
And now we’re going to start with your 30-day challenge. From here forth you are to read this book one day at a time. Absorb what is written and follow it strictly. You can do it! You will be successful in your journey to find happiness. This book is just a guide and its success completely depends on you. Put your learning to heart and follow the instructions carefully. You’d actually be amazed at how easy this challenge is. Make sure you only read it one day at a time, don’t read the entire book yet. It will give you that feeling of excitement as you open the book every morning and read your “happy” instructions for that day.
So, are you ready?
If you are then let us start with… Day 1!

Day 1
Think of a happy childhood memory and ask yourself why you find that memory a happy one
This may seem easy to some but to others with unhappy childhood, this is a big challenge. Whew! So much for day 1, right? Think of it this way. With all the negative things you may remember from your childhood for sure there’s at least one happy memory, right? The fact that you still remember it means that it made a great impact in your life somehow.
A person’s childhood greatly impacts the person into adulthood. That happy memory you have may actually have an impact on you right now that you may not know of.
Try to list happy childhood memories if you can on a piece of paper and try to relive them in your mind.
Isn’t it great to feel like a kid again?

Day 2
Do something childish today
With your busy schedule try to commit to this today. For sure there are things you did as a kid that gave you so much fun, why not do those again today? It need not be a silly childish thing you’d do like rolling on the floor or getting yourself dirty, just something that would bring forward the child in you. Do not limit yourself, be creative. Just do something childish that could make you burst in laughter!
I know someone who mastered “adulthood” and never really took the time to do something fun in his life. One day, a child gave him a lollipop and demanded that he suck on the lollipop. He did and at the second that piece of candy touched his lips and the flavor covered his mouth he felt sucked back into the time when his mom would come home from work and gave him a lollipop. He remembered the feeling of being loved by his mom and it teared him up he didn’t even notice it.
Enjoy your moment as a child. After all, the child we were is still hiding inside our adult exterior. It’s fun to bring that child out time to time.

Day 3
Count the blessings received today
Count your blessings today and continue on for the remaining days of your 30-day happiness challenge. Blessings need not be those big ones such as getting better pay or something. Just the little things that make you feel glad. A smile from a colleague, a good night sleep you had, the cup of morning coffee that’s just as hot as you want it, being able to safely go to work, etc. Do this every day. The moment you wake up in the morning try to be aware of the blessings surrounding you.
This would be a conscientious effort in the beginning but this will turn your life around. At first you may have to remind yourself this over and over again but as time would pass, this would become a habit. See the good in what’s happening each day and just try to enjoy them.
At the end of the day try to remember what happened during your day. Cross out the bad and bury them in the past because that’s where they belong. Try to relive the good for awhile and tell yourself that tomorrow would bring more blessings to you. Be excited! Days are only going to get better for you.

Day 4
Praise somebody today
From today and for the remaining days of this challenge find somebody to praise. Even with the little things. Try to say “good job”, “you did great with that.” “Oh, the food is amazing. You are such a great cook.” “You’re looking great today.” Those little praises can really go a long way. It can make somebody’s day too especially if they’re not used to you praising them at all. Your happiness shouldn’t just go inward but you should let it flow outward in order for you to feel satisfied within.
Praising someone brings out a positive energy hiding within you. Make others around you feel happy with your little gesture of praising and you may not notice it but a smile will grow on your face more and more each time. Positivity is the key that unlocks your joy.



Day 5
Get in touch with an old friend or a relative/family member you haven’t touch based with for quite some time
Think of someone who you may not have been in touch with for weeks, months or even years. Don’t you think it’s about time you say hello to them again? Our life is part of a web of life. Every person’s life is a strand in it. Our paths cross at some time and most often we have to say goodbye to people we’ve come across with. It’s a fact that not everyone could stay and play a part in your life but that doesn’t mean you can’t say hello to them again every once in awhile. You don’t need to rekindle anything if you don’t want to just a simple “hi” would make that other person glad to have been remembered. Wouldn’t you want to be remembered too?
Try not to hesitate. You have a clean intention of just getting in touch with them. You don’t need to choose the one you had a conflict with in the past if you are not ready. Just think of someone, just anyone you haven’t reached for awhile, and just say hi.

Day 6
Go for a walk or a jog this morning
If you are regularly doing this as your form of exercise then you may consider this day’s task a breeze. Don’t forget your day 3 and 4 task continues on for the remaining of your 30-day challenge so you better keep that in mind and do not forget.
So today you have to get your jogging shoes on and go for a walk or a jog in the morning. Smell the breeze, smile at people, listen to great pumping music and just enjoy as the sweat drips down your body and your blood pumping. Exercise is important in one’s overall wellness and most often people forget its importance and think they just can’t find time for it. You really have to find time for exercise. It need not be a daily exercise routine but at least do some kind of exercise at least once or twice a week. Challenge yourself each time you do it to last a bit longer or walk a bit farther. Build up your endurance because that will not just help you to stay fit but it will help you to stay happier. With more energy each day you won’t feel easily irritated due to exhaustion.
If you read this later in the day, don’t worry. You can still jog at night so there’s really not an excuse for you not to go. Or if you want, you can go to the gym t
Day 7
A day to begin meditation
Meditation has been used for thousands of years to move the thoughts that cause stress to that which is relaxing and peaceful. There are many varieties of meditation techniques created by man so you might get a bit confused. Don’t be. Whatever type of proper meditation you follow, the main goal is to reach the pure consciousness and awareness.
Meditation won’t come easy at the start to reach the pure consciousness but as you continue to do it, you will improve. Even with some distractions of your thoughts, doing some meditation regularly would prove to be beneficial for you especially with your goal to achieve happiness in your life. You don’t need to meditate everyday if you find that task to be daunting. Just set a schedule, a plan as to when you want to meditate. Once a week would be just fine.
You will notice that your thoughts and emotions would change and be more subtle. The way you react to situations and people would also change. From being easily angered you would notice that you get to respond with a clearer mind. There are a lot of benefits from meditation such as gaining inner peace. If you are the type of person who finds it hard to sleep soundly at night or it takes you a lot of time just to get some sleep because of all these thoughts in your head then you will greatly benefit from regular meditation. Just consider all these thoughts as junk that piled up in your mind. If your mind is a room then it would look all cluttered up. So what do you do with a cluttered up room? You do some room cleaning and de-cluttering. By meditating you are actually doing just that. You are getting rid of all the trash, taking out all the negativity, and transforming the energy to a more positive one. When you continue to meditate you will notice that it is a lot easier for you to switch from the negative energy you experience during the day and continue to be positive despite all the negatives you cannot control in the world.
Meditation makes you more aware about your thoughts, your feelings and your desires. This type of clarity would greatly help you when making decisions. You no longer would be confused as to what you actually want to do with your life and what gives you joy. You will be focused and aware of that because meditation gives you absolute clarity.
Meditation also gives you more energy. Removing the blockages from your chakras and the energy flow improves significantly. After you’re done meditating you can almost instantly feel how it helps in improving your energy.
Of course meditation isn’t just a one-time activity that would make all these changes right away. Remember, cleaning up your room should be done regularly and not just once.
So, from today on may you make it a habit to meditate. Clear out your chakras!

Day 8
 Do a good deed
So we are now on your 2nd week. Day 8 should be made special by doing something that would make others experience joy through you. Remember, what you give you will also receive in one form or another. It is nice to do a good deed each and every day because it makes you feel good. You will feel joy which is an overwhelming feeling of contentment and happiness.
The good deed need not be a big one, just take whatever opportunity you are given today. Say, open the door for an elderly or help an elderly cross the street. Give some extra tip to the waitress who’s been serving you your cup of coffee every morning. Just about anything you can think of.
You’d come to realize that there are a lot of good deeds you could do each day and it won’t rub off any of your own happiness or won’t even take much of your time. Wouldn’t the world be a much better place if just about everyone will do some good deeds each day? Why stop yourself. Start today by making that conscientious effort to do a good deed for someone without anticipating for anything in return. Try to make it a habit to be more conscious about the possibilities that you could do a good deed for others. Be a blessing for the people around you. Not only will they like you but you’ll surely learn to like yourself a bit more. When you are satisfied about the person that you are then being happy becomes easy.

Day 9
Take some time out from everything
We all need to work hard to earn a living but sometimes people forget that they work so hard to earn a living but failed to actually live. Now is the time for you to be reminded that life isn’t all about work, it’s about really living it. So go and take some time out from everything today. That doesn’t mean you have to skip your work today but to just get rid of all things that you’re dealing with each and every day. Go and have some fun even just for a few minutes. Just think about “living” in the moment. Have some fun!
We all hear stories of people who engulfed themselves so much in work and later on realize that time has already slipped under their sleeves. They look in the mirror and they see all grey hair, wrinkly skin and fake teeth and can’t believe how fast time came and went. That is because they never got a lot of chance to really enjoy the years of their lives. Sure we all need to work, unless you are lucky to be born from a wealthy family, but to the rest of us work is essential so we could put food on the table and give our children better lives. But how are you supposed to know when and where should one stop? People have this desire for greed. We all want more money and power that we focus on that more than we should. Our life evolves around work and we become happy when we get our pay check or we get a promotion. But that happiness is only temporary.  There are a lot of events in our lives that weighs greater than what you earn from your job. For instance, never miss the chance to let your children experience your love. Never miss the opportunity to play with them while they still want to play with you! Never miss birthdays, anniversaries, graduations, etc. Life is important, not money.
Today do something to get your mind off of what is keeping you busy or stressed out. Go and play some. Go and watch a movie. Go and have a massage. Go and hug your kids, kiss your wife or husband, do something out of your normal routine and just LIVE.

Day 10
Go out with friends
“No man is an island” is one popular and overused quote that is sound and true. Happiness is best when shared with people around you. Make time to be with your friends or even your colleagues at work. Have lunch or dinner together or simply have time to talk about what’s going on in your lives or even talk about the news. Give yourself the chance to just laugh and bond.
Friendship is important and we must nurture the friendship by giving them time out of our busy lives. This day you are not just challenged to spend time with them but for you to remember the importance of friendship. Think about the friends you have right now. Do you have friends who are closest to your heart? Have you made them feel valued? Women may find it easier to be expressive while men may find it awkward to express. Find ways to let your friends know that you value them. Even just a simple message saying you are thankful for what they have done for you would already suffice.

Day 11
Plan a vacation
Set a date and actually make sure that you will have that vacation. You deserve it. Everyone deserves to have a vacation every once in awhile. If you have kids having a vacation fills up their memory banks and that’s what we all should remember that kids should not just be treated with what they need but they should also be treated with memories to remember when they are all grown up.
Plan that vacation. You can opt to have it by yourself or have your family or friends with you. Have it however you please. Make the most of your time. Go somewhere you’ve never been to before. Explore the world. It need not be a vacation abroad or hundreds of miles away, it can just be a vacation to a nearby city or town that you’ve never ventured yet. Arouse your interest, be excited, feel all the positive feelings you get when you are looking forward to a majestic time.

Day 12
Breathe
A day to just breathe. Enjoy the act of breathing. Just be conscious that you are still able to breathe. You have no additional tasks for today. Just continue on the tasks you were given from day 3 and 4 and perhaps continue the other tasks from the other days too. Today is going to be like a practice day for you. You choose what you want to do today that will give yourself a positive feeling. You are not required, do it from the heart. Choose it.
At the end of the day go and look back on your day 12. Look back on the past 12 days. How was it? Are you doing okay? How are you feeling? Think about your answers and use your answer to motivate you to continue on for the remaining days of this 30-day challenge. Remind yourself of the reason why you chose to start this challenge and that is, you want to be happy.
Are you feeling happier now than when you first started?

Day 13
Learn something new
You are never too old to learn something new. Let’s face it, we become focused on making a living a bit too much that there are things we used to dream of doing but never got the chance to do. Think back and remember some of those things you wanted to learn or do but never really had the chance to. Do you want to learn to play the guitar when you were growing up? How about learning a new language? Or perhaps learning how to use technology if you are not techie?
There are so many things that you can learn even as an adult. Remember that life goes on and learning should never stop. Learning helps the brain to function optimally. You will be exercising your brain to explore and not just be doing the same things over and over again as you become more routine-focused.
Learning to play a musical instrument can be quite rewarding. Even if you won’t really be mastering it but being able to play music with an instrument when you once don’t really know how to do it can really make you happy. It is an achievement that we all need to experience at least once in our adult life so go ahead and think of something new you want to learn and start learning!
Of course you cannot really learn something new in just one day that is next to impossible. But, for today, your task is to think of something that you can really claim for yourself that you can start learning about. Start reading about that, create a plan, and make sure that you make progress at the end of your 30 days.
It is a big challenge especially if you want to learn something great. But, you are not forced to learn and master it by the end of this 30-day challenge. Just some progress and hopefully you’ll get into it more and actually reach the expert level.
Never say never. You can do it. Believe in yourself and take it one step at a time starting today.

Day 14
Hug day!!!
Today is the day for hugs. Okay, you’re not exactly going to go out and hug everybody in your neighborhood or office. That would be just weird and the police might be called and you might get arrested. Today, your challenge is to hug someone you hold dearly in your life. If you are a hugger and you hug people you love often then this may not seem like such a task. If you are a hugger, try to hug a little bit longer and feel that moment when your body is hugging someone you hold dearly in your heart.
If you are not a hugger, this may freak you out a bit. But, don’t worry. People like being hugged. Don’t go and immediately hug someone who is not used to having that intimate moment with you. Go and hug your parents. Go and hug your spouse. Go and hug your children. Go and hug your close friends.
Hugging is actually a need and there are studies that say people actually need at least on average 8 hugs a day. Hugging as a form of therapy is actually quite powerful especially when it comes to healing. Whether you are in need of healing from sickness, stress, anxiety or even depression, getting hugs daily could be very beneficial.
What type of hug should you aim for to optimize the benefits? Researchers call it as the “deep hug” or the hug that lets two people’s hearts press together for at least a couple of seconds. Relationships are strengthened when hugs are given on a regular basis. It gives one the feeling of safety as well as trust with the person you are hugging. This also opens up the window to communication and having that feeling of warmth knowing that somebody cares for you and loves you. Oxytocin and serotonin levels are also boosted with hugs. Those suffering from depression or loneliness can instantly feel a boost in their emotions to make them feel better. One who is angry can have the fire within them extinguished with hugs too!
In order to get rid of the negative emotions you have to change the emotions from your core. Hugging can achieve that. That is the same reason why we go and hug someone grieving or struggling. We do it because we want to comfort them and change their emotion and make them feel a little bit better.
Hugging would be a great habit for anyone. The more hugs you give, the more hugs you will also receive. The better you make others feel, the better you make yourself feel too. You can never give out hugs and not receive hugs in return so go and hug people today and everyday!

Day 15
Write down your progress
So you are now halfway through your 30-day challenge to seek happiness and let go of bad feelings. Your assignment today is to list down what progress you’ve made from the past days. Do the daily tasks you are given and at the end of your day 15 make your list.
Are you feeling a lot better? Which days became hard for you? Did you push through and do all the challenges you were given daily? If not, what stopped you? What do you think would have improved in your overall feeling if you followed the daily challenges completely?
If you are satisfied with your first 15 days then you are doing an excellent job. The goal here is to make you feel good about yourself and kiss those negative feelings away.
If you look at your first 15 days and still think there are no improvement, don’t worry. Just try a little bit more to follow the daily challenges and stay motivated. There are 15 days left for this challenge. For sure you will be able to see the good in your day to day life and realize that all these negative feelings you are feeling are just feelings triggered by your brain that pulls you away from that ultimate happiness that is just waiting for you to take.
Do not give up. Keep on going. This 30-day challenge is fun and exciting. Remember that you started this challenge because you want to improve your life by being happier. Claim it. You will be happier.

Day 16
A day for appreciation
Appreciating even the little things in your life can really go a long way. Being appreciative and grateful are two traits of a happy person and it would really make a big difference in your life if you start to appreciate the little things.
No matter how sad or miserable your life may seem, there are still things in your day that would be worth noting as something to be appreciated. If you didn’t burn your toast this morning and you got to enjoy your breakfast then that’s something to appreciate. Being able to go to work safely is another. Appreciating the avoidance of misfortune is a great habit and you must learn to see these good things in each and every day of your life.
Today try to list down or just think about the things that happened (or didn’t happen) that you appreciate. Then try to think about what feeling it brought you when you list down these things. Savor the moment.  You can also list down the people today that you appreciate. What have they done that you are happy about? Just list down things, people or events that transpired today that you appreciate.

Day 17
Schedule your day and sleep early
So today is the day that you will focus on giving your body the chance to recharge for at least 8 hours of sleep. Your body needs sleep because sleep rejuvenates the cells as the body recuperates. Giving yourself this time to sleep will make you feel more energized in the morning. Skip that night coffee if you are used to drinking coffee. Relax, throw away your worries for today and just worry about them tomorrow or even never. Today you will focus on getting home early, clean up and then sleep early. You should sleep early tonight in preparation for your day tomorrow. If you are a night owl this is a hard challenge so you can skip to day 19 and prepare yourself 2 days from now to do day 17 then 18.
So for day 17 you are to sleep early and wake up before sunrise. When you wake up in the morning, open this book and read about your day 18 task.

Day 18
Watch the sunrise
Congratulations for being up early. For today is the day you get to enjoy the sunrise. If you haven’t watched the sunrise for some time, this is a great day to do that. Watch as the sun rises to the horizon and feel the tranquillity it brings. The sun gives us our energy as it is what makes our planet thrive. Without the warmth from the sun, nothing on Earth would ever survive. Isn’t it amazing that our planet is situated at just the right distance from the sun so it isn’t too hot or too cold for life to exist?
The warm color you see during the sunrise can invigorate the soul. Watch the sunrise, be excited for your day, have a cup of coffee or cocoa and just enjoy the moment.
Think to yourself, “This is going to be a great day!” and be positive throughout your day 18. Enjoy your moment.

Day 19
Take time to be with Mother Nature
The Earth is a gift that we are all given to enjoy. We live in it but do you still find time to really enjoy the beauty of the Earth away from all the modernity? Go and enjoy the beauty of Mother Nature today. You can go for a walk, a hike or even go fishing. Anything that lets you see some trees, enjoy the sand, soil and grass.
If you live in a city you don’t really need to go out of town for this day’s challenge. You can just go to the park or even the zoo and just enjoy your time trying to touch base with Mother Nature. Feel the sand/soil or grass underneath your feet. Be in tune with our greatest life source which is our very own planet.
Have a bit of fun today and breathe in all of nature’s goodness.

Day 20
Pamper the body
The body is our vessel that needs to be cared for and also pampered. Today, go and have some pampering session. Get a massage, get your nails done, or just about anything that gives your body a bit of pampering. You can head to the nearest sauna and have that warm sauna bath. Anything you fancy, take the time to do it today. It need not take much of your time but it sure would make you feel wonderful both inside and out.
Life is indeed precious. Isn’t it great to actually start living life? You don’t need to be rich just to have a bit of fun and happiness it’s the little things that makes a big difference in one’s outlook. Find happiness in the little splurging you can have. If you can’t afford to get some pampering then don’t worry much about it. Just give your body the time to rest today and free your mind from all the worries even just for an hour. Release the stress and just find your center.


Day 21 to 25
Read a book
For the next 5 days you are challenged to read a book. A book that you know you can read from start to finish in just 5 days. Find an exciting book or a book that really arouses your interest and get on reading. That will be your challenge for the next 5 days and I want you to enjoy it. It would actually be even better if you can find a partner that read or is going to read the book with you. You can then share your ideas or opinions about what transpired in the story. Get a conversation going and share about what you learned from the book with your book partner.
Bookworms would surely love this 5-day challenge. If you don’t like to read books, don’t worry. There’s always that opportunity when you are given a task that lets you open new doors to new adventures. Reading books expand your knowledge and bring you to different dimensions. It is a lot of fun and now is your chance to experience that. Find books that aren’t boring to read so you will enjoy this 5-day challenge. You shouldn’t feel like you’re getting penalized to do this, the goal is for you to explore and enjoy. You can choose whatever genre you like, just keep on reading. You will come to realize that reading takes you on a journey using your imagination. It is a great exercise for the mind.

Day 26 to 30
Stop Complaining
You are almost there! For the remaining 5 days you are to make it a habit to stop complaining. For the next 5 days you should take that conscious effort to stop yourself whenever you feel like complaining about anything. Take what you have learned from the previous days into action and practice them throughout the remaining 5 days. Be grateful, be appreciative, breathe, take some time out and deviate your mind away from what frustrates you. Remember, being unhappy or happy is really a choice that affects one’s state of mind. If you choose to be happy then you will be happy. If you choose to be happy then you make the conscious efforts to always choose the happy emotions and deviate away from the negative ones.
When you stop complaining you will see the world on a lighter note. The people who used to annoy you will feel like regular people once again that you can look straight in the eye and value for their purpose in your own life. Sure there are things, people and events that can really piss you off but when you decide to not let it affect you then you won’t anymore be complaining about them.
At the end of your 30 days look back on the challenge. Have you changed the way you see your life by now? What have you learned? What were the things you used to do that makes you unhappy that you no longer feel like continuing now that you are feeling much happier? Do you have a long way to go to achieve that stress-free and happy life you’re dreaming of? What are you going to do to achieve that kind of happiness? Think and reflect. List down your answers and look back at those answers every once in awhile to remind yourself about this challenge, your goal, what you accomplished and what you still want to accomplish to achieve it.
Remember, your quest for happiness should not end here. This 30-day challenge is just a jumpstart and it is up to you to continue it or not. You can always go back and do this challenge again or you can even make your own quest for happiness challenge. Think of the things that can make you happy and set to do those things for 30 days and improve yourself to become happier. Share what you learned and ask people what they noticed different about you. When you are happier and treating people better, the people around you would actually be happier too.


V.                  So now what’s next?

First of all, let me congratulate you for completing the 30-day challenge to leave bad feelings behind once and for all. You did great! It shows that you are indeed determined to turn your life around. No need to be gloomy and walk around with the dark cloud hovering on your head. You can make that decision each and every day to enjoy the warmth of the sun and keep that gloomy cloud away.
So now that you completed the challenge, what’s next? Your whole life of happiness awaits and it’s yours for the taking only if you want it. Taking this 30-day challenge is not like taking a magical pill that will solve all your problems away. Rather, it teaches you how to change your state of mind and shows you that happiness is indeed a choice you make each and every day. It would be great if you set a goal each day that would change your mood no matter how grim the day turns out to be. There will be good days and there will be bad days. No one’s immune to having bad days. But it is really how you react to what’s going on that determines your overall outlook in your life. Learn to lift yourself up when you are down and deviate your attention when needed to so you would still have an overall happy wellbeing.
Always remember that there are two categories of emotions as what had been discussed earlier in this book. Know which side of emotion you are feeling and push yourself away when what you are feeling is under the category of “bad” feelings. Dwell more on the good feelings such as the feeling of being challenged which can really be of a great help for you to pull yourself out of feeling negative about you, your life or the people around you. It would take a conscious effort and reminder for the next few weeks or even months but eventually it will become like a normal thing for you and you can already start pulling yourself away from those negative emotions instantly.
Always remember that you can do it. You did it! You finished the 30-day challenge and you can do it for years to come. You are on your way to complete happiness and you won’t let any negative emotion take that away from you.


VI.                Make that choice to be happy

I don’t really think there is a person on Earth that desires to be miserable. All desires happiness because being happy feels good. We all want to get what makes us happy. Others find their happiness in money while others in relationships or travels. We have this idea that happiness can be found through what’s around us. We think happiness is an Earthly possession and we go out to look for that source and feel like we just can’t get enough of it in order to maintain that euphoria of the Earthly happiness we get from it.
Many times I have seen people do this over and over again without realizing they are actually doing it. Shopaholics, for instance, find their joy in shopping. If you do it once in awhile just to de-stress then there is nothing wrong with it. We all deserve a bit of luxury every once in awhile. But others who become shopaholics cannot find happiness unless they are able to buy the things they want. And they want a lot! So they go and shop often, spending a fortune in doing so, yet they are never satisfied. Buying a phone can give you that instant high when you bought the latest phone. When newer phones are released you look at your old phone and feel dissatisfied with it and you want the newer one. You crave for it and you no longer find happiness in what once gave you that ultimate thrill. Then you go and buy a new phone then a newer phone would be released and the cycle continues. The cycle of happiness and dissatisfaction.
Same thing with love. People come and go in our lives but people tend to be too clingy. There are those who cannot survive without a girlfriend or a boyfriend. So they go on searching for that love. When they lose that love they cannot feel happy again until they find a new beau. It becomes a cycle yet they don’t understand why finding the right one becomes so hard. So they go on this cycle again of love and of lost love. A cycle of happiness and broken heart.
Same thing with recognition. A lot of people fall victim to this vicious cycle without them realizing it. We all want to be recognized and given credit for the things we contributed but there are a lot of people who considers this as a source of their happiness. So what do they do? They go out trying to prove their worth all the time. They work hard, rub elbows and do just about everything they can just to get the recognition they want. Once their hard work is recognized they feel happy and satisfied, even proud of themselves. We all want to feel that way every once in awhile but if you focus on that alone to be your source of happiness then you become a slave to it. They don’t become satisfied with just one recognition, they want to be the one recognized all the time. If others do better than them they become too competitive and get to feel unhappy or even angry when others are recognized for their better job. They pursue for more recognition and not feel satisfied with what they have already accomplished. They strive too hard forgetting that there is so much more in life that could make them feel happy. It becomes a cycle of finding their place in the world that has to be a better place than anyone else. A cycle of recognition and bitterness for not being the better person.
There’s a TV show that shares stories of people who like to hoard. These hoarders find joy in the items they get to “collect” not realizing that they are already making a trash out of their homes. If you are not familiar with this TV show or what hoarding is about, let me give you a bit of information then later on let’s discuss it metaphorically. Hoarders are people who like to collect stuff and store them. These people like to collect a lot and they really reach that point where they no longer cannot control themselves from getting more and more stuff. Sadly, these hoarders cannot find satisfaction until they get enough new items to collect and the cycle continues day in and day out. They just got to keep on collecting. There are many hoarders who become obsessed and fill up their homes with these stuff they collected not realizing how much damage this cause. The damage is not just in the damage to their home but most especially with the damage to their relations such as with their family and friends. They cannot find happiness elsewhere. They will just be happy for a short while if they add more items. It becomes a cycle of short happiness and a pile of mess. They can be helped but sadly, many of these people still end up doing the same thing. Cleaning up their home and getting rid of most of the stuff they collected can be a big help for them but if they won’t find true happiness then they’d still go and get more stuff and do the cycle of destroying their relationships and home again. Metaphorically, we can also be like hoarders if we don’t know how to find happiness the right way. If you go out and seek for happiness from the outside to fill up your home “or yourself” you end up with a rotten home. You start with being unhappy and you still end up quite unhappy plus with a home that needs to be cleaned up and/or repaired. However, if you look at yourself the right way then you’d think of it as a loving home you can stay in and rest. You’d want to decorate your home beautifully not for the pleasure of others primarily but for your own. You throw away the trash from your home and you won’t want to entertain having trash coming in. Once you know how to find happiness from within then you won’t be like a hoarder with a home unsuited for people to even be near in but with a loving home people can’t help but notice how homey it feels inside and how beautiful it is on the outside. Throw away the bad stuff, welcome the good stuff. Same thing with emotions you got to throw away the bad and welcome the good emotions.

VII.              Make happiness happen to you
Happiness isn’t something that is based on what happens to us. That type of happiness is only a 10% portion of one’s total happiness. If what is going on around us that makes us happy only comprise to 10% then to where do the 90% of happiness come from? If you have read this book in its entirety then you probably can answer that by now. Yup, 90% of happiness comes from within. Others are born with the happy personality but many can find it a bit hard to be instantly happy. But happiness is a choice. This 30-day challenge is just a start to help you make happiness happen to you. See how a simple decision of thinking about happy thoughts or making exciting plans can change your mood? That’s the secret. As the saying goes, “Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change.” It is the same concept you must apply each day. Don’t see the cup to be half empty, see it as a cup that is half full. Be optimistic. Be enthusiastic.
Your happiness is not dependent on anything or anyone. Your happiness is yours and it’s up to you if you want to be happy or not. Happiness comes for free it does not have a price tag. You don’t need to lose something just to be happy. Since it is free, it is up for grabs. So why not grab it every chance you have? Do not hesitate, just choose it and it is yours. It is that instantaneous!
So why is it important for one to be happy? It is because when you are happy, a lot of things in your life would improve. Do you know that the happy people are the ones who become more successful? Those who find joy in the things they do tend to do them a lot better than those who always complain. Don’t be the bitter employee in your office, be the person who enjoys your work. As the saying goes, “If you are happy in what you do then you’ll never work a day in your life.” Can you just imagine how different your outlook to your job would be if you actually enjoy what you do? You won’t be working even a day in your life! Also, happy people tend to live healthier and longer. Of course, you take away the countless stressors from your life and your body reacts to it. Remember the home of a hoarder compared to a clean and happy home? A clean home can last much longer than a home burdened with lots of trash. When you are happy, people would also find it enjoyable to be around you. They’d enjoy your company so you’d be invited more to gatherings because your presence can rub off some of your happiness to them as well. People would want to just be around you. Isn’t that amazing? No need to run for relationships and end up with the wrong ones. When you are happy and contented with yourself you won’t be depending on someone else to fill you up with love. You don’t absorb love, you give it, and the right ones would come along for you and not run away from you.
There are a lot of benefits to simply making that choice to be happy. Just throw away your burden, don’t allow it to control your life. Be the one in control and throw away the power of what burdens you out the window.

So now that you know how to be happy and the reasons why it’s best to choose to be happy, you are now ready to face the world as a better and happier person. Sure there will come days when it gets hard and it is okay to release your pains during these times. Just don’t wallow on your problems, release them and move on. Dust yourself off, pick yourself up and prepare yourself for more beautiful days. Choose to be positive and don’t allow your past to haunt you. Don’t allow your mistakes to pull you down. No one is perfect after all. When you fail or make mistakes, think of those times as a learning curve. It is what will make you wiser and stronger. It’s through your failures that you become better. Dust off and enjoy your days. Life is so good. Don’t waste your days on Earth wallowing and having all these bad feelings in your heart. Make use of your days so at the end of your life you can look back and have a lot of joyful memories and you know that you have lived your life right. It is never too late to make that choice. Now that you made that choice, you shouldn’t go back. You can start enjoying your life now. You deserve it!

Wednesday, August 5, 2015

A letter for my daughter Danica Rheynne Yu

Oh such wonder you are to me...

‘Twas almost midnight when I successfully tucked Nica to sleep tonight. She was able to sleep in the afternoon so it became torturous for me to try and let her sleep. If only you know ‘nak what your mom’s schedule is but I know you’re much too young to really comprehend why mommy became so busy already.

Mornings I wake up before you do so we could encourage you to wake up early. I know you hate waking up as I hate waking up too. Manang mana ka sa mom mo, nak, so I know how you feel. But even so, I push myself to wake up at 5:30 am. Do you know I sleep around 3am? But I don’t complain. I love waking up for you. Though I am not the one who do your morning routine with you, but I want to just be there, as much as possible I want to be alert and wide awake so we could cuddle, play around a little and pray together. I love receiving a hug from you and wishing you a good day as you bid me goodbye as you head for school. My body’s really tired so I try to sleep before 8 to wake up around 10:30. As you head to your other home to study and play some, mommy is already wide awake busy with work. You know I work for you, right? Sure you understand but maybe not as well because you continue to make green papered money for me ‘cos you want me to have money. I know what you’re saying is, you want me to have money already so I won’t be so busy and we’d be back to playing more. So though I have a lot of things I need to do and my body’s feeling a bit tired, when you arrive from your other home I make sure I spend an hour or two with you. I want to be with you, to make you feel you’re my number one because I love you.

At night my energy’s about to run out but you are at your most energetic. We play around, sometimes you ask me to toss you around like a crazy lil girl that you are. Do you know mommy’s heart is not so good? Sure you do, but maybe not as well because you continue to beg me to make rough play with you as I try to gasp for air every now and then. But it doesn’t matter, I want to love you and make you feel how much you mean to me. I just stop when I can’t take anymore and see that you are already satisfied with our “play” which actually feels like a UFC bout.

Then it’s time to go to bed. I bought you 3 storybooks and you want me to read all 3 of them plus online stories before you sleep. I am so tired, ready to cry, but I don’t because I want to read you stories. It’s therapy for me to hear you giggle, listen to how you interpret the stories and how you laugh when you change the story and make all side comments about how the characters are portrayed in the illustrations. I love your imagination, ‘nak. You have such a brilliant mind I can’t help but be proud of you. There are nights when you simply don’t want to sleep when I have a deadline I need to reach. You know mommy still need to work, right? Sure you do, but maybe not as well because you still say you don’t want to sleep and you want to cuddle some more. And I do. I love cuddling with you my dearest one. I love feeling your skin brushing against mine. I love your butterfly kisses, your giggles and many I love you’s. I love how you make all sorts of reasons just to distract me and give my full attention to you. I love you so much my lil girl. As tired as I am but I like spending time with you.

Now you’re asleep and I look at you and I sigh in great wonder. You are such a sweetheart. I can’t start working yet because I am just amazed by you. As tired as I am but you energize me. You gave me so much strength because you make my heart happy every time I see you. You are so wonderful. I never thought I am capable of loving another this way until you came into my life. Ours was not a love at first sight but a love that grew and it’s growing exponentially. I will never stop loving you.


Oh how blessed I am in this life of mine.


(Danica aged 4 years and 10 months as of this writing.)

Tuesday, February 10, 2015

Empty well

My heart is like a waterless well. You throw a piece of rock and wait for the sound of the rock splashing on the water below, but you don’t hear anything. You try to throw in more and more rocks but there’s not a sound. The well is dry and very deep and practically useless. It even poses a danger. You’d want to just cover it up to avoid wasting the space but covering the hole would cost so much time, energy and you don’t have enough soil. You’d choose to just leave it as is and surround it with signs so others would be warned. It is left abandoned. It stays there- empty, useless and dangerous… No one cares about it. No one wanted to figure out why there’s no water under there. No one wondered whether it once had limitless flow of clean water and how useful it once was. Surely something happened to that well. But no one cared to figure it out… they just went to dig another well that serves its purpose. So this empty well stays empty. No one cared... No one figured out why… No one really tried.

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Words are mere words. It no longer has power

You open your mouth and the words started to pour out and slamming its way into our bruised hearts. But our hearts have been bruised for so long and oh so many times that your stabbing words no longer hurt. We couldn’t feel any more pain. Your words can no longer penetrate through the thick scabs surrounding our hearts.  We’ve become accustomed to your insults.  Your vile words are all the weapon you have. Without its power you cannot harm us.  You’ve used it on us for so long and it broke our souls.  But we know better and your words are worthless now. Your hatefulness can now only affect you. Instead of pushing to attack and be violent, I chose to step back and walk away. By doing so I prove one thing and that’s the only thing I need to prove. I am so much better than you. I pity you… so much. You trapped yourself in your own world of hate and you can’t even see it. I pity you… Why did you allow yourself not to find joy?

Saturday, July 26, 2014

Love is easier said than proven

I realize it's so easy to say we love people but it's so hard to actually prove it. I myself am guilty of this. I say I love you to people who I don't exactly really love. It occurs to me that love is such a strong word and sometimes we use this word to mean we are comfortable with this person, we like hanging out with this person, we are having fun with this person and so on... But do we really love these people we claim to love?

I am one of the victims as well. When a friend tells me I am loved, I believe it with my heart. But sometimes too, that love is only expressed in words and I'm left with a lot of "clues" that tells me I'm not really loved. Sometimes these people who say they love me only makes me feel like a doormat. They only end up making me feel like I'm not as good as the other persons they also love but I just take it in, shove off the pains, and just continue on believing that I am loved. Well, baby, that old me is GONE.

If I want to make a big change in myself then I have to clean out my closet and throw away all the junk that's burdening me, including people. When I don't feel it's okay then I have to trust my instincts and tell myself over and over again that IT IS NOT OKAY.

There are a lot of people who are still there to make me feel special in their own ways and I can actually feel they love me. I too would need to make that change and avoid saying I love you to people who I only like hanging out with or something. By learning to value what love really means is crucial to create a great relationship with others. I don't want to be the girl who makes others assume that they are a lot more special to me than I can really make them feel because that is just not fair to them as it's not fair for me as well.