You are just like your mother

I think that mothers have a very huge influence in our lives. I realize that one reason why I remained so bitter is because my mom is feeding me with a bit of bitterness regarding my issues. As much as I want to heal, her influence and my paranoia is a lethal combination that made me stay where I am at now. I want to move on and I hope I can and I hope she could move on too.

It may seem funny but that movie touched me

There was this movie shown on Cinema one with Aiko Melendez and Chinchin Gutierrez. I don't know what that movie is all about because I didn't really watch it. But, my daughter's nanny was watching it and I caught a few glimpse of it. Well, to give a bit of description, Chinchin's character there is very giving but she became very bitter and angry when everything started to crumble in her life. Aiko is her best friend who actually was the reason for all the bad luck in her life (at least that's how I saw it). Anyway, it's the line of Aiko that got me. She said that Chin2x loves others too much but she forgot to love herself first. Her happiness is based on other people and if they don't reach her expectations, she starts breaking down and get disappointed. She said that Chin2x has to love herself first in order to find true happiness and not base it on other people. That she loves others but she also expects something from them in return.

It kinda hit me because I somehow realized I am somewhat similar to Chin's character. I realized I love others more than I love myself and when they disappoint me I get hurt and it takes me awhile to recover. I expect others to fill my need for love when I should be the one to fill it for myself. I realized that if I start loving myself first, things won't affect me so much. People won't always be there for me and they won't always do things in my favor or will make me happy. If I am happy on my own, they don't need to do all those things and I'd still value them just as much. The lines of Aiko was really deep and I think I would remember that for a long time. I need to learn to love myself a lot more and I'm starting that now. I will say I love you to myself every day and I'll protect myself and care for myself just as how I would protect and care for others. It's a big realization for me indeed.