A brief release...

As I looked over my window I could see the deep blue hue of the endless sea meeting the beautiful clear blue sky with a few white clouds that seemed to float over a cushion of a double shaded satin. I sighed and closed my eyes as I envision myself basking in the sun and feeling the warmth of this great big source of life throughout the land. I wanted to get rid of all the pain and rage that hides within me as my soul eagerly cries for me to get rid of all these ill feelings that plagues me and scares me.  As I envision myself in pure nothingness, no worries or pain, my lips started to show signs of a smile.  That short moment, just the view of the sea and the sky, two very opposite entities of this world coming together in my view made me feel a short moment of freedom.  I sipped the hot brew from my cup, looked out my window again before bidding this beautiful view a goodbye to start my day.

What I learned in my life

Life can really be so unpredictable. Things happen that you never thought would ever happen and you’re there and you feel like you’re just watching your life go by in front of you and you’re just a mere spectator having no control over what’s going on. There are times when I feel everything’s going in slow motion and every emotion and actions are magnified but you really couldn’t understand what’s going on. You just feel it, you know it’s real, but you just cannot understand.

I’ve been through a lot of difficulties in my life especially recently. Sometimes I wonder if I ever even learned anything from my past or I’m simply walking in stride and continually making bad decisions in my life. But you know, I really don’t think much about that. I don’t want to be too cautious because I am fearful of what will happen next. Truth is, you’ll never really know.  No matter how much you try to control things and aim to be at your best, things just happen and your world can crumble in a twinkle of an eye.  If there’s 1 thing I learned it is that life is totally unpredictable.

Of course you can try to look back and see all the warning signs and you’d think that perhaps if you did this or that differently, the end result would also be different. Of course we would all think that way because we already know what happened. But then if you really think about it long and hard, if you changed things, would the end result really be different? If different, would it be a “good” different result or an even worse one?  No one can really tell… only God knows for sure.

They say our life had already been written in the Book of Life and everything that’s happening to us was meant to happen. I don’t really believe in this though. God gave us free will to make our choices and we have to suffer or benefit from the results of those decisions.  If it’s all written in God’s book then having free will would’ve been just a lie. God knows our souls and He is always there to guide us, help us through life because it is our life and we’re the ones living it. He watches and guards us and He helps by guiding us to make the right choices. When we cry God cries. When we cheer He cheers with us. When we cry for help with all our hearts, He hears us.  One thing I also learned in life it’s that God is always by my side.

I may still not really completely absorb how my life turned upside down. I may still have a lot of difficulties to face and I don’t even know how to completely be okay but I do know that I will be okay and I will have an even better life because God knows my pain and God knows my willingness to make it better. God is a merciful and loving God that I also know that He already forgave me for my sins and He forgave him for all his sins against me, my family and everyone else affected.

I also learned that there is always a rainbow after the rain. It doesn’t matter how bad that rain is, whether it’s a category 5 storm or just a few drops of rain enough to just wet the land and cause us a bit of a chill. That rain would eventually disappear and you’d see better days.  I learned that these heavy downpours are the ones that make you appreciate life so much more. You won’t see the good in good if you have never seen the bad. It’s these storms in our lives that make us better individuals. Stronger, wiser and more faithful to our God because He alone can truly help us when everything and everyone else just can’t.

I learned that through all the tragedies and hurts of my life, life is indeed beautiful. The more color you add to your life the more vibrant it becomes. We only have 1 life and it doesn’t really matter whether it is filled with pain or joy, what really matters is that we are given this one chance to live, to exist as an individual… our souls having the chance to be righteous and a chance to surrender our lives to the Lord. What really matters is that when our life is over we would see a giant golden gate opening and a grand celebration and cheers that welcomes us back to our home with the Lord. 

Surrender your brokenness to Him and He’ll not only fix you up, He’ll even make you better.  I find joy in knowing that God leads me now.