Something Borrowed, Something New, Something Old, Something Blue...

I am making a new blog entry here simply because I feel the need to. The start of the year is pretty tough for me. I thought the New Year will bring something better for me but, here I am, feeling even more miserable and hopeless.

I'm still trying to be hopeful. Not that I am still hoping things will turn out better but I am hoping to be stronger. Got to face the fact that I need to be much stronger if I want to survive this life. God's throwing me huge stones and I am already starting to feel the pain of each throw. Maybe everything's just accumulating or maybe I'm just hoping that He'd stop throwing me these heavy stones because I already threw in the towel but, maybe He just wanna test me to my limits. Or maybe, He wants me to write my own story and send it to MMK so Charo could share it to all Filipinos *giggles*. I really don't know what His plans are for me but I'd rather stop being angry at Him for all of these things that are happening right now. I'd rather just be numb about it for now or at least try as much as I can to just not think about my problems but sometimes, I just feel so sorry for myself. Why the hell am I experiencing these dramas in my life? Why?!!

There's too much hurt already that lately I wish every day that God would just take me away. I wish for an accident or maybe for me to just not wake up 1 morning. I just feel so fed up with the world but I can't just take my own life... but maybe if there will be more pain, I might end up just doing that. Of course, I am just saying this.

Anyway, I am just venting. I need a way to let this out as I don't want to experience what I experienced last night. I think I hyperventilated or something. Maybe it was an anxiety attack, I dunno... just doesn't feel nice. It totally freaked me out! Wait, maybe I was just freaked out and 'coz I was freaked out then I got freaked out by being freaked out? Err... Now I'm confused!