My heart is empty

I feel like a big chunk of my soul is lost. Letting go is so hard but it's what I had to do. There won't be a wedding anymore because of what's happening. I just feel so alone this time. I have friends who are offering help and I appreciate that but I still feel so alone.

I don't know what God wants me to learn from all these. I can't believe I have to experience such pain. Why me? Why let me go through with this? Why me? I am not strong enough. I can't handle problems as easily as some people, I succumb right away. Yeah, maybe they're right. I am still immature. I still can't handle situations well but, who could handle such problems as the ones I am facing? It's so easy to judge me but be in my shoes and tell me, how does it feel?

I feel so choked, I feel so lost, I feel so angry and I hate my life. I do. I hate my life but life has to go on even despite everything. I just want to know what God wants me to learn. I just want to know what good will this do for me in the future. What?!!

I am keeping my faith. I am trying so hard to be back on track and walk hand in hand with God again but it's just so hard. I am slowly losing grip once more but I am not letting go. Not this time... Not anymore. I just hope that He is helping me do the right thing. I hope I am doing the right thing. I don't want to worry anymore, I feel so drained that I can't worry anymore. I want to be happy, just want to be happy. Is that really too much to ask? Why is happiness so hard to achieve? I am not asking much but just a normal life, a life where we could be free, but why is it so hard for me to have?

I need prayers and not pity so please don't feel sorry for me.