I have a confession to make...

I smile because I want to inspire others that no matter what, there's always a reason to smile. I try not to show the pain I am going through because I don't want to cause them concern.

But, the truth is, I am in pain... physical pain.

The truth is, I am scared. Scared of what would happen to me, what my future holds for me.

The truth is, I pity myself. Why I have to go through these things and why do I have these problems?

The truth is, I sometimes can't help to get angry at God. Why I have to suffer like this and why I feel so deprived. But I take all my angry words back when I come to my senses again and I just ask for His guidance and for more strength.

The truth is, I sometimes just want to give up on myself.

And one great truth is, I feel more strengthened with each passing day, with each throb of pain I feel, with each disappointment because God believes so much in me that I could handle all these things. I am still human. I get hurt, angry, I cry and just wanna give up. But, knowing that God cares for me, I know I can endure all of these things and escape as a better person. I just have to trust in Him that He won't ever let go of my hand. I know I won't be alone in that operating room, I won't go through all the pain on my own. I know, when I cry God cries with me. When I feel pain, God feels that pain too. I know when I'm starting to get confused, God is trying to help me see things in a better perspective. I know whenever I feel scared, God hugs me and tells me everything's going to be okay because He won't let anything bad happen to me. Whenever I get angry at Him, I know He understands and forgives me. It's a nice feeling to know that I'm not going to go through these things on my own.