I miss my old life...

I know things happen for a reason and with all the wonderful blessings from God, I know I shouldn't even think of missing my old life. But, I do. I guess it's just normal to reminisce and miss the past without regretting the present.

In just a blink of an eye everything changed. Our life used to be very wonderful and must I also add, quite extravagant. I somehow knew it really wouldn't last but for the time that it did, I enjoyed myself a lot. Alain and I had a lot of fun. We were carefree, not thinking about the future much but just enjoying the present and each other. We just go out whenever we want, go to resorts and just relax whenever I feel like it, watch movies every week or so, play at the arcade almost everyday, spending money here and there and just having a lot of fun. I was a busy girl then, busy going out and just enjoying life. I must admit, I loved it. Though, I was frustrated I wasn't able to push Alain to join me for my dreams of traveling abroad. He is not the traveling kind so that was quite frustrating. But, to say the least, we were quite happy doing practically anything we want, almost anytime we want. It is with the convenience and freedom that I knew it really was not going to last. For whatever reason, really. For maturity and new phase in life, we were sure we will never have that same amount of free time again. And, we were definitely right!

After that incident of February last year, everything changed. The freedom was taken away from us and maturity started to sink in. We now think of the future and we now try to save every penny we can. Sacrifices has to be made in order to better our future together. We have nobody to depend on now... No one to stop our fall if we do, so we really can not afford to fall.

Now, being back here in Bacolod, it's the more that I miss my old life. The more that I miss having Alain just nearby and whenever we feel like escaping the world, we just can. Now I am stuck here... at home... No way to release stress and no one who I can cry on. Alain has to stay in Manila to work for our future. I am really missing our old life together though I won't trade the present to the past.

We are still in the process of being molded. God is still molding us into the people that we should be and I know He will carry us through this and would give us better lives. It is hard but we will endure because God is by our side. I thank God for all the great experiences I had in my past, all I treasure so deeply. I thank God for all the pains we also had to suffer, it's what pulled us away from a carefree life and made us stronger and wiser.

Now we have to save up as much as we can so we could give this little baby in my tummy some great memories of a carefree life as well. I want our kid to enjoy life but to appreciate everything and value everything the way they deserved. Above all, I want to raise this baby learning about what me and daddy had to go through before he/she was given to us. I want him/her to know how God worked in our lives and how He manifested Himself to us and even giving us this child a year after our planned double suicide.

I want him/her to know that despite giving up everything and starting from scratch, it is all worth it because of him/her. We surely have a lot of stories to tell our little kid, he/she doesn't need story books! :)