I pray that God would change the heart of someone that is close to me. Someone who should have been there for me since I was born and would love me unconditionally and show me how I could lead my life and praise me for the good things I do and with all my accomplishments. Instead this person ridicules me and makes me feel like I can do nothing and that I am being nothing but a disappointment. My life had been miserable and continues to be miserable because of this person's influence in me. How I hate myself because of my paranoia and my constant desire to be praised by them and to not be a failure. It has many drawbacks. I am not contented with my own accomplishments and I hate myself more and more when I cannot reach the goals I set for myself. I am tired of feeling this way and I realize I am not the only one who feels this way... All of us here suffer from this paranoia with varying degrees and I feel for them too. We do not deserve to be imprisoned in this state of mind like we can't do wrong because when we do, we want nothing else but to torture ourselves... and we always do. All of this because this is what had been inculcated in our minds.
Now that we're all grown ups, we have our own plans and we can do whatever we want in our lives. Yet a part of us are still just kids whose legs are tied to the floor and we can't fly no matter how much we want to and, yes, we know we can fly. But something is holding us back and that's something we can never break free from. It's caused by the persons who were supposed to make us feel like we could do anything in this world. Persons who were supposed to show us love and affection.
It is unfair that they are not punished. I do not really desire for them to be punished because I love them dearly but I just hope God will show them that He is not happy with what they have done. Why is this so much to ask?
----And God just answered my question through this video ----
