Christmas Massacre

I was shocked when I read the news about a massacre during a great Christmas party. If you haven't read it yet, then here's the link

http://ph.news.yahoo.com/ap/20081226/twl-santa-shooting-1be00ca.html

If there's anything about this story that got me affected, it's with the little girl who opened the door to greet Santa. I just imagine how that little girl felt when she was about to open the door. Perhaps she was very excited that she'll open the door for Santa and when she saw Santa she must've had that big smile on her face just like any other kid would've smiled whenever they see Santa. Santa had a big Santa bag with him and when he pulled something from that bag, her eyes might have sparkled in pure excitement, waiting for what a great Santa goody awaits her... only to see a handgun pointed straight at her. And that's... that's the last thing she ever saw in her life that was cut way too short. by a deranged man in a Santa costume :(

She's just one of 8 people who were murdered that night, while a few were able to flee. It was supposed to be a great Christmas party, one that this family always have during Christmas. Only because this guy got a divorce, even if let's say it was a horrible divorce and he has a very sad story to tell, it doesn't give him the right to kill those innocent people. Nothing is worth killing another.

Let's all pray for the lives of these people and also for the man who committed this horrible horrible thing who also committed suicide right after.
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Our Christmas was fun. We gave a total of 3 gifts to each of our helpers here, all 17 of them were here and celebrated Christmas with us. Our christmas party was focused on giving them gifts and making them happy. It was a fun Christmas.

Tyra, our black labrador, gave birth to a cute little puppy during our Christmas party. She gave birth to just 1 pup. Unfortunately, he died the next day... Tyra kept crying for hours 'coz her baby is dead :( It was kinda sad.

I'm not busy lately, don't have any jobs to do and my PC crashed. Actually, it overheated and the power supply thingie exploded. Thank God the motherboard was just fine. I'm searching for jobs as I'm planning to get a "real" job by March of 2009. Wish me luck! Hope God will help me make the right decision as this isn't just any other decision. I will move away from my family and I need to get this right. My friend Jodie's telling me to rely on Him and not be too focused on what I want, but what He wants for me. Oh well... I guess I'm just a bit edgy lately and I just want to have the right decision instantly that's why I get easily irritated. lol!

Well, got nothing more to add... Have a Happy New Year Everyone!

Merry Christmas to all!

As I became older, I no longer feel the magic of Christmas. The excitement fades more and more each year but still, every Christmas day I still feel its magic. Families come together to celebrate this wonderful day and what I like most about Christmas is the gift giving. No, I am not after the gifts I receive but more of, I like to see the smiles in everyone who receives a gift. There's too much love in a room during this day and that's really what Christmas is all about. Sure, we are all busy with our day to day lives that we often forget about the little things that really mean so much to us. Christmas is a time for our families and we should all keep the spirit of Christmas alive in each one of us. Oh how I wish I'm still that little girl who's always so excited about Christmas. I may not be that little kid anymore but I do value Christmas and feel the special meaning of that day. It's the day that our Christ was born. It's the day that we should all pray and thank our Lord for all the blessings we received and thank Him for all the pains that we experienced because that's what makes us stronger.

Lately, I've been in so much emotional pain that I even stopped praying. Not that I abandoned God but I was just too hurt to even talk to Him. A friend was telling me to go back to Him even when I am in pain but I really just let her words go from one ear and out the other (if you can say that! We were just chatting. LOL) But, God is so good that He made me feel His love for me and showed me how greatly blessed I am compared to others. My anger faded away and I started living my life normally again. I was back to being happy and I guess that's really how God wanted me to be... happy! :) And... it's almost Christmas! And God gave me a wonderful gift... lotsa projects! haha! I needed money badly and I'm glad He gave me these projects so I could save for next year's plans. Woohoo!

God is so good! Merry Christmas to all!

What It's Like...

I feel like I'm drowning but there's no water. I feel suffocated and I try to breathe but there's no air of relief for me. They say I should just snap out of it and not even allow it to come and visit me but, I tried all that and it's still here and it's making my life miserable. I want this out of my life as much as people get irritated when I am like this. Normally, I am a happy and very positive person but when I get drowned with my miseries then I'm starting to slip out of what people would consider "normal". I hide... hide what I feel inside 'coz I don't want to burden those around me. But, it makes it even worse.

Is there anyone who understands me even without trying? I feel so alone with my battle that I often isolate myself just so I could be free to feel what I feel and find answers to my own questions. Why do I even have to suffer like this? It's just not fair... so unfair. But, I need to be strong and to keep holding on... but for how long? How long can I do this?

"Snap out of it, Lila. You're much better than that. Get up, stand up and fight!"
"What to do? Why am I in pain? I can't hold on... Can't hang on. Give up now."
"You're such a mess. You're horrible. The world won't even notice when you're gone so why still stay here? Go!"
"Can't go away... It'll hurt the people around me. My love won't be able to take it and he can't cope with the pain I have caused. I can't go."
"Time will eventually heal all wounds and the pain you caused will eventually be forgotten. Go, free yourself."
"You're cursed. Probably because you deserve it. You're a bad person."
"I did nothing wrong to deserve this. Why do I live this kind of life?"

--so many voices inside my head... gives me headaches and it consumes me... I hate these voices but they don't ever stop!---

I'm home. :)

Finally, I'm back home. It's weird coz I was gone for just 2 weeks but everything around here looks very different. Our house got a new paint job, my room's cabinet is now looking good, and my dogs look very different. Kingkong loss some weight and I was shocked when I saw him, probably why they say pugs don't recover very well when their masters leave them. Frosty looks very beautiful though :)

I missed the not-so-busy streets of my city, I missed the familiar venues and faces, and of course, I missed Alain a lot.

***It's the first time I experienced traveling on a bad weather and I must say, it's a great experience. The entire visayas area was covered with thick clouds and I just can't help myself but enjoy the unworldly beauty of the world up above. With an endless sea of thick clouds underneath us and gigantic and scary-looking clouds ahead, nature is so beautiful that even though it can be really scary you just can't help but appreciate its beauty.***

With all the Chaos- I learned a lesson

*I thank God for giving my dad a second chance in life. Yep, dad had a successful surgery and in just a couple of days he'd be out of the hospital already but he still can't take a plane home so they'd be staying here for awhile while I decided to go home before them.*

It's been pretty tough lately and it's not just because of what happened to my dad. Lately, I just received news about a problem I need to face back home. Also, there is another problem... but won't share about that here or to anyone. I'm just so sick and tired of my life that I just wish I'd be transformed into a very different person. I try to force myself to think positive but, it's just so hard when you can barely breathe and another problem pops its ugly face again.

I'm drained but, somehow, I realized something. I realized that I forgot to love myself and now I am convinced that it's what I have been searching for in my life. I always knew there was something I need to do but I just can't figure out what it is. Now, I think I found what I've been searching for... I need to love myself and live my life not just for everyone else but for me. I need to do what I want to do and not just do things that I know won't hurt the people I care about. I need to take the plunge and live my life.

I am quite a risk taker and I want to achieve whatever I set my mind to and that's what I plan to do. Hopefully this time, no one would oppose. I need to do this for me and not for anyone else. I will spread my wings again and start to fly.

Pls help my family pray for dad's operation

Dad, my sister, my aunt, our maid and I will all be flying to Manila this Tuesday for dad's scheduled heart operation at the Philippine Heart Center. We are hoping that there would be a miracle and he won't need a surgery but if there's no miracle then dad will have to undergo a bypass surgery. It's a painful and dangerous surgery and I do ask for all your prayers that it will be successful and with zero complications. We will stay there for at least 3 weeks and I am hoping that we'll arrive in Bacolod with our dad being as healthy as ever.

Since my dad's heart attack our lives are simply not the same. Everything feels much harder now and we can feel the stress and tension in the air. Although we are being positive and trying to take things lightly but every now and then we just can't hide the tension and fear in one another. We have nothing to hold on to except our faith that God will see us through all these. God helped my dad when he had a heart attack where the doctors said they were amazed that dad survived it. They say usually people with that type of heart attack are DOA or dead on arrival but dad survived it and we are happy with that. Every moment we have with him is considered a blessing although every now and then I get so fed up with him because he is sooooo stubborn! Hey, I guess that means I got that part of me from my dad??? LOL!

We love our dad and although I don't have an affectionate family and we don't even know what happens to each other's lives, but in times like this we start being a family again. It's weird really but emotions flow only when something bad happens and the strength of our bond as a family is tested. Glad we pulled it through and I am still hoping that everything will be okay. Please do pray for us. I can't imagine life without our dad... can't imagine what I'd feel when I'd lose a person that I love... But I am being positive although deep inside I am a bit scared for him. He will be facing the hardest battle of his life yet and all we can do is just support him. We can't help fight his battle to survive, all we can do is pray and ask for even more prayers because I know God will provide us what we need and God makes miracles and God is the Ultimate Healer.

Please do pray for my dad. My family will deeply appreciate it.

What a beautiful day!

Today was a great day. We had a birthday party and by far this is the best birthday party ever! Why? Because I was surprised by my sisters and my hubby! Before my trip to Manila, they already contacted hubby to buy me a birthday cake too and that everything should be kept a secret. So all this time I was thinking they totally neglected me! It was fine by me though but of course when I saw my small but wonderful birthday cake I just can't help but smile. :)

The party was not perfect with some minor problems but everything went smoothly and it was a blast. I had so much fun on our 3 in 1 party and after how many years, I got another cake! LOL! I remember my last cake was a congratulations cake for graduating college! My sister bought me a cute yet childish congratulations cake in shape of a girl that I thought looked like Susie of Susie and Geno LOL! Imagine? I was 20 years old and they gave me that type of cake! LOL! At least this time, my cake is decorated with flower icings. It's simple compared to my niece's and dad's extravagant cakes! Well, this is a grand birthday for them though, dad is 60 and my niece has just turned 1. The three of us stood in front of our guests while they were singing the happy birthday song and each one of us blew our candles. I kept my candles with me as a remembrance. It's a fun fun fun day! Too bad I didn't have any friends to invite so I just invited my hubby's family. My sisters each have their set of friends while I have none. What can I say? All my friends are in far away places and it's such a big BOO! It would've been so much fun if my barkada's in Bacolod though but I can't cry over that, I'm just happy with how our 3-in-1 birthday turned out. It was a success and we're all very happy!

Here's a photo of my cute yet well appreciated birthday cake!

And here's a picture of our 3 cakes!

And here's a picture of me blowing my cake!

Triple Birthday Celebration on Nov. 17

On November 17, 2008 there will be a children's party held at Lopue's East but it's a combination of Eila's, dad's and my birthday (November 18s and 20). Well, it's pretty much a children's party and dad and I are just included but it's obviously a birthday party for Eila. Hmph! LOL

Actually, they forgot about me. haha! It would be dad's 60th birthday and Eila's 1st birthday and both of them have the same birthday, November 18. They honestly forgot that I used to celebrate my birthday together with my dad 'coz I was born on the 20th. I'm kinda "tampo" that it's now Eila and daddy's birthday and not daddy and my birthday. :( Oh well... and now she's the princess of the house which used to be my position! :( Something tells me Eila's going to be my worst enemy (lol just kidding!)

Anyway, I would just want to share this very nice birthday video of Eila. She won't be receiving any gifts for her birthday but instead, she's asking for donations for a ministry for little kids like her who are not as blest as she is with a loving mom and dad. Eila is a spoiled baby and this is a great way of slowly teaching her the power of giving and helping those who are in need.

Enjoy watching the video!

My regular companion's back- Paranoia

It's been two days since I got home and now, I am back to my old self. Well, at least I got a breather... for 6 days in total I had nothing to worry about and I just enjoyed my life not thinking about how to earn money and what the future holds for me. Now, I want to shout. I think I'm going crazy! I am so paranoid that I'm getting choked up by my own thoughts. I know I'm doing okay but this is just not enough. I need more, not 'coz I'm greedy (goodness!) but 'coz I feel so overwhelmed with what I need to do and with my responsibilities and future obligations. I'm going nuts!

Will I always be like this? Is there no cure for this? I just want to enjoy life the way normal people do. I envy those who are living in poverty and yet they are enjoying their lives and not worried about what lies ahead. How come I am not like that? Why can't I just be like that?

I am suffocating here! I need some air... lots of air.

Back to my world again

Just got back from my 5-day vacation to Manila-Baguio. It was fun especially because it's filled with lots of bloopers and stories that will be told a thousand times and will never ever get boring. LOL!

I reserved a transient house in Baguio for us to stay in, thinking that the place was decent 'coz the photos seemed fine. When we saw the place, we were all stunned and disappointed. It was in a slummy area of Baguio and what we saw in the pictures was the same but, we never thought it would be "that" small. LOL! And it stinks and there were cockroaches. Well, of course we decided to ditch the place and found a new and much better place to stay in. We can't help but laugh at our experience and Alain's mom said we should never trust what we find from the internet and she cited this certain situation heehee! I won't tell what transient house that was 'coz the person in charge was really nice to us so I'll spare them the shame.

I met with Kym last Friday at Burger Avenue and we had fun. It's been around 1 1/2 years since I last saw her so this was a great reunion with her. She even gave me 2 bags of barako coffee from Figaro. Thanks sooo much Kym! :) I soooo appreciate it as in! Actually, she saw how happy I was when she gave the coffee to me. LOL! I was sad that day 'coz misiobe can't make it but then it was okay 'coz I understand her situation. I'm just so happy that she took the time to meet with me on my last day there and although our time together was rather short, but it's such a great bonus on my trip! I missed her a lot and I'm so happy to see her again. Kym and I and Jodie and I had our little talks and saved some memories together. Thanks to both of you for taking the time to spend with me. :)

I wasn't able to meet my friends Shang and Reena though but it's okay. Miss you both too and hope both of you are and will be happy with your lives.


----What did I learn from my short vacation?

I learned that I need to take away my stress in order to feel more alive

I learned that it's great to meet your friends (I wish I have more time and chance to do that though :( )

I now realize that I can't sleep because I always think about work and how to earn more money. Since the first day of my vacation, I was able to sleep soundly. (Yep, I snored a few times LOL! So? I was tired!)

I learned to be moooooore patient especially with "A"! Grr!!!

I realized that I want more vacations! hahaha!

I just had another bad dream

Well, I'd be flying for Manila 5 hours from now and I was awakened by a text from my friend R asking me if I could still attend her wedding. I feel bad 'coz I can't :( Anyway, this post isn't about that but it's about the dream I had prior to her text.

I have a friend J and in my dream, I went to visit her place and it was like a huge dormitory with lots of people and it's just near a huge mall. After my visit with her, I went with Alain to the mall to meet up with my friend R and her boyfriend (just in my dream) named Luis. Luis is a rapper and he suddenly decided to rap about "Wonder Boy" (My oh my! I have the strangest dreams I tell you) and there came a fat guy with a Wonder Boy costume (You know wonder boy? It's that junk food I used to eat when I was a little kid, it's very delicious) Anyway, this wonder boy guy started dancing like a robot and my friend J came and she was wearing ice skates (What?!!). She was so mad and she screamed and yelled at Luis for singing a very ugly song. Luis got mad and tried to fight with J. R and I stopped both of them and I immediately asked R and Luis to go with us and we were about to go to Sta. Mesa Manila (what? that's where I stayed before during my reviewing days LOL) Anyway, while waiting for a Taxi, here is where the bad dream started. While waiting for the taxi, there was a procession of people. The first group was mostly women and they were all cursing everyone and they all looked very angry. They stared at me and cursed me and they all looked so angry. After them, the second group was even worse. They were all staring at me too and they were performing self-mutilation. The other one was standing and there were some men who are just pushing her to the procession and she's standing with her knees stapled to wooden rotating barbaric tool and she was in pain. She looked at me as if I was to be blamed for the pain. It was so weird and it was really scary :( Why were they looking at me like that and why such a negative energy? :( Why why why! :( Now I can't sleep. :(

...and nothing changed

Well, I just suffered another horrible night without much sleep. That "mangluluya" just acted out as if she really felt something different and that I can now sleep well at night. Well, she was wrong and I will never ever go to a mangluluya ever again! These faith healers are pathetic! I never believed them and after my first and LAST experience with one, I will never ever believe them.

Update: I tried to sleep around 11 last night but up until 1:30 I was still tossing and turning and I just can't sleep. I still have lots to write today so I can't risk not getting some sleep so I still ended up taking my pill and I was able to sleep from around 2 to 8 yay!

The oddest and funniest moment of my life

I just went to a "mangluluya" about an hour ago. When I saw this 82 year old woman I was already scared and I asked Aln to just let me go home but he insisted and so I was there, talking to this old lady, and she was telling me that I have a very light pulse and that means I have "nerbyos" which is actually true. LOL! She then started yawning several times and told me that I can't sleep for more than 2 weeks because I was indeed affected by some kind of entity. (what the? Are you f***ing serious?!!) LOL! Well, I am a skeptic. I don't believe in this crap and I was there just thinking to myself that this old lady got to be kidding me! Then she started massaging my back and I was in sooooo much pain. I kept shouting and I almost cried. So darn painful but when I checked how she was massaging me, it was actually very light. So, I think that's pretty ODD and after awhile she massaged the same areas at my back and chest and I couldn't feel anything anymore. Again, very ODD. She said I would be able to sleep now (sure???) and that I should keep the "luya" ginger with me for at least 3 days and that I am not allowed to bathe (what the hell?!!)


I somehow feel like I would rather have sleepless nights than not bathe for 3 f***ing days! This is a very strange experience for me LOL!

Strange though... but I'm actually very sleepy now and it's only 7:20 PM. nyek

I used to love bedtimes but now, I'm sleep-deprived...

Been suffering from Insomnia for more than 2 weeks now and it's really such a drag. My mom-in-law told my hubby that he should take me to a "mangluluya" coz maybe I hurt an elementals and it's going back at me. LOL! Old people have very superstitious answers to everything, don't they? I can't sleep. There's no Hocus-Pocus reason why I can't. I just can't!

I am taking Melatonin-T right now and I'm so thankful for it. I stopped taking it after 3 great sleeping nights because I don't want to be dependent on the sleeping pills but I can't sleep well without it and sadly, I am back to taking it again. It's actually inexpensive, only P19.75 each!

Anyway, in just a few days I'd be heading to Manila again. It's been over a year since I last went there. I was supposed to attend my good friend's wedding but unfortunately, we can't. I don't have a car to drive from Makati to Alabang grr! But since we already bought our tickets and our number 1 reason for flying there has been cancelled, it's a good thing we have a back-up plan- a trip to Baguio. So on November 9, 2008 we'd already be in Baguio. The day before that we'd be going to Tarlac and Pampanga, 2 places I've never been before, so it's going to be fun too!

I am actually quite excited about it. Though Baguio isn't really all that but it's a great place to unwind and just have fun eating strawberries and jams. LOL! And yeah, I can meet with my friend Kym on Friday evening too so I hope that'd be fun as well. ;)

There's no problem too big for me

I mentioned I can't sleep on my previous blog entry. Yeah, I am having sleeping problems lately but thank God for sleeping pills! Now, I feel so happy because I slept like I never slept for more than a week! I'm being cautioned not to be addicted to sleeping pills though 'coz it won't be good for me and if I'd overdose on it then I'd sleep forever. LOL! Why the hell would I overdose myself with sleeping pills? I just need one a night but after 3 pills I'd just skip it for awhile to see if I can sleep without its help anymore.

So people with insomnia, sleeping pills can do wonders in our lives!!! ;)

It's almost 3 am and I still can't sleep!

I've been suffering from insomnia for more than a week now. My God! This is torture! I need my freakin' sleep! Does anybody know of a remedy? Should I drink another bottle of beer just to get a good night sleep? But I hate the taste of beer! :( Anybody have tequilla somewhere?

Such torture! And I have lots of deadlines by tomorrow. I just hope I won't end up getting sick but I can feel it coming. :( Anybody with a cure? Contact me ASAP! My life depends on it. Tsk Tsk!

Popular- The TV Show

Well, I am quite stuck with the old TV series that I used to love back when I was in high school. Yep, I'm starting to feel what it's like to be getting a little older now. I remember how I used to tell my parents that they are so stuck in the 60's or 50's with the kinds of songs they want to listen but here I am, starting to feel the same. Guess I can't truly appreciate the kinds of shows being shown right now that I still look for the oldies but goodies shows that I watched religiously when I was still a teenager.

I LOOOVED watching Popular on Studio 23 before but for some reason they cut it off and the second season wasn't aired. Well, thanks to the internet, I now have my full 2 seasons of Popular the TV series on my PC and I watch it religiously. Oh my gosh! I feel like I can just die with pure bliss. I still find it so entertaining and it just makes me feel like a teenager who is a few pounds "underweight". Yep, "under" weight. LOL!

Anyway, since I'm up for a little recollection of my past, here's just some of the TV shows I used to watch back then. This is in order from my most favorite to the least.

1. Ally McBeal- who doesn't love Ally McBeal??? I still enjoy watching it on TV (replays) and I guess it's the next I'll download once I transferred all my videos on DVDs.

2. Dawson's Creek- Say what?!! Yup, I watched Dawson's Creek every Monday on Studio 23. It was just so addictive and I just can't allow myself to miss an episode!

3. Charmed- I still watch this on Velvet these days. I love Charmed but I stopped watching this when they cut off Prue. Guess she was really my favorite charmed one from the 3 although I know she have a not-so-good attitude in real life. I just love her character so much! Though I can more of relate to Phoebe than her. hihi!

4. Buffy the Vampire Slayer- Don't you just love to be like Buffy? So strong and so pretty and kicks vampires ass all the time and with that hot boyfriend to die for? This is such a great show and I am so glad they still show this on... err... forgot what that channel is... darn it, it's channel 41 in Bacolod so I only know it as "41" LOL!

5.The Simpsons- This was on RPN 9. I loved watching the Simpsons because I thought it was quite cool and funny. Now I think it's just way too violent and I really wouldn't allow my kids to watch it. I used to love it so much but I don't feel like watching it anymore.

6. Bubble Gang- I loved Bubble Gang when there were Gelli and Aiko on the cast. It was so much fun back then. One scene there that I really can't forget is when Aiko was crying and she said "ni-rape ako... ni-rape ako ng kalabaw... ni-rape ako ng kalabaw sa putikan" LOL!


Well, that's all I can think of right now. Gosh... I wish I could bring back those good old days again. Everything felt so simple back then. Don't we all just want to be stuck in our good ol' days sometimes?

Vid of KingKong and Frosty

Just want to share this video. It's the most fun video I made with my two most lovely companion. Don't hate Alain for spanking KingKong. He was just playing with KingKong and not hurting him.

Hope you'd enjoy watching it as much as I do. :)


Note: No pug was hurt in the making of this video ;)

My kids- Kingkong and Frosty

I actually do talk to my dogs this way. They're my everyday companions so, I end up imagining they are actually really talking to me! LOL

My Addiction

Blame this game for making my life more miserable! Yup! I'm so addicted to this game that even when I'm trying to meet my deadlines I still have to squeeze this in. I just have to play it over and over again. Maybe whoever made this game intends on making people crazy! Well, whoever you are, you are really successful in doing just that!

My life will never be the same! Just got to pass this on to you!

NewsFlash!!!

Bad News- I started gaining back the weight I loss over the last how many months of dieting, swimming and daily walks. Stupid me! Just can't stop eating! Those yummy foods! How can I resist? :( This is really sad. So so sad.

Some facts about me

Well, got nothing to post here so I thought of sharing some facts about me that only a few of my friends know about. ;) They are not in anyway jeopardizing my identity :D

1. I drink coffee- I can't live without coffee but I know too much of it is not healthy so I stick with 2 cups of coffee a day! If I don't get to drink coffee, I get headaches.

2. I like mugs- Perhaps this is because I drink coffee but since I don't know when, I already enjoyed collecting mugs. Unfortunately, I don't get to collect mugs anymore but mugs still fascinate me.

3. I sleep with my dogs- Yeah, my sheets ain't always clean but I'm happy when they sleep with me. I love them both so much but... if I am to choose, I love KingKong more. LOL! But of course I love Frosty a lot too!

4. I suffer from sleep paralysis- Yep, I do and sometimes it scares me 'coz it takes me more than a few minutes before I get to wake up and it gets pretty exhausting sometimes.

5. When I touch something cold, my hands start to hurt- It's Reynaud's disease or something but it's nothing serious really. My hands start to hurt and they turn white and very seldom they turn blue. I used to stay in the corner of the pool and hold my hands up because they hurt so much but after a minute or so, they don't hurt anymore.

6. I am actually not fond of gossips- I just don't care about gossips. We all have our lives to worry about so why the hell would I wanna talk about other people's lives?

7. I have weak knees- My patella are thin and sometimes they lock and twist. It's painful and it makes me paranoid when I walk or climb the stairs. Anyway, it's hereditary. My mom, 2 sisters and my nephews suffer from this as well. :( boo-hoo! Bad for us! :(

8. I discovered I'm actually quite good at shooting hoops- I used to be so scared of balls but because of desperation, I resorted into playing basketball. I love to play at the arcade because I get to beat most boys woohoo! ;)

9. I have no sense of direction- I shouldn't drive unless I have GPS (unfortunately we still don't have this here). I can't remember streets and places even if I get to go there more than a dozen times!

Lastly, I am kinda deaf. Yeah, it is so true! Sometimes I hear people speak but I don't understand the words. It's like they are talking really fast that I could hear them but couldn't understand what they are saying even though they are talking under normal speed. I always end up asking the person to repeat what he/she said so that I could hear properly and they gotta raise their voice a little.


Well, those are 10 facts about me that only a few friends know about me except for the first, 9th and 10th 'coz all my good friends know that already. LOL!

Survivor Philippines

The Survivor Philippines show had been on air for a few weeks now and it's just my first time to have seen it. I was told by a friend of mine that the tribe's people are non-photogenic and they were not the showbiz type so I got curious and decided to watch the show. Surprisingly, I think otherwise. Well, yeah, they are not gorgeous-looking but I think GMA 7 were successful in finding contestants that looks normal yet they don't look bad on camera... except for one female castaway whose presence just makes me want to grab a knife and stab her to death even if I could only see her on my television screen. My gosh! Why did they even take Patani???!!! What's the sad story behind her application? I liked all the other castaways in terms of looks but just the first glimpse of this lady just made my stomach turn. Okay, that is a bit rude (or too rude) but I am just stating my own opinion. They decided to be on TV, right? So they should expect people to bombard them with their opinions as I am entitled with mine.

On the other hand, I think Patani fits the show quite well. She looks like a native of that island.

After All These Years by The Journey

After browsing over YouTube, I saw a video of this song and I liked the song so much but I didn't like the video especially because they just recorded the song from an FM station. So, I downloaded the song and created my own version with it. I love the song so much that I even recommended it to be played on my mom and dad-in-laws during their 50th wedding anniversary and they all liked the song too! Hopefully they will really play it on their party on February. :)

As for me, I know I'm not old enough to say that I can relate to the song but, somehow I like to imagine myself with my husband 30, 40 or 50 years from now still holding hands and loving each other after all the years that we're together. :) *giggles!* It's just sooo romantic!

Anyway, here's the video I made for the song. It has lyrics so you could sing it while watching. Hope you like my vid. :)

---- Take a picture already---

Just want to share this video of my 3 nephews in Canada. I'm particularly fond of Luis in this video. He's the one who said "take a picture already" hehe! It's soooo cute!!!

Miss them both! Haven't seen Francis yet. They are sooo gwapo (handsome), don't you think? ;)



And about me, well... I'm going throuh some difficulty lately. Gosh, it's too exhausting being me right now. Problems come from all sides and I'm getting too tired of defending myself. If only it would be okay to just leave everyone and be on my own for a lil while then it would be such a big help. *sigh*

Oh well... Life must go on. :) Life's tough but I know i'm tougher! hihi!

Hillary Clinton and Sarah Palin???

I just want to share this because it cracked me up bad! I love Saturday Night Live so much and this is by far the funniest opening act for SNL. Can you imagine Sarah Palin and Hillary Clinton together? LOL!




Tina Fey was amazing and she looks just like Sarah Palin! Amy Poehler doesn't look exactly like Hillary Clinton but my gosh, her humor is outstanding!




Check this out and laugh your heart out!

Transparency's a Curse

I am a very transparent person. When I feel bad, you'd know it. When I hate you, you'd know it. When I'm happy, angry, hurt or whatever, you'd definitely know it. Unfortunately, this is becoming a burden for me. How I wish I could just pretend that I am okay now despite the heavy burden I am carrying. Yes, I am burdened... I am in pain... again!

I never thought I would feel this kind of pain again over something that is sooo familiar to me. I know, once is enough and twice is just too much but does this mean I am acting stupid and still accept things even though they just feel so wrong? I have learned my lesson but gosh... this is just so hard. No matter what I'd do, I'd end up hurting somebody... either I'd end up hurting myself or end up hurting someone who loves and cares for me so deeply. I chose the former... can't hurt somebody I love with the kind of pain that will NEVER go away. I'd rather be the one to be burdened than cause such pain to somebody else. Gosh... but I can't hide my pain... no matter what I do... I try to pretend but my eyes say otherwise.

I wish things would just start to fall into place once more. Hope God will perform His little miracles once again and make things right again. Just like what people say, when it rains it pours... Mine on the other hand is not the kind of rain that people welcome into their lives. It's like having a hurricane Katrina plus some tsunamis and hundreds of crashing airplanes that leave thousands of people dead! OMG! So tragic! Whew!

It's just like yesterday

Sometimes people just leave you without saying goodbye. It happened to me and somehow, it deeply wounded me and left a big hole in my heart. I never bothered to ask "why"... perhaps because of my pride and maybe perhaps because I just gave up. In fact, I believe it's both really and because of that, so much time had been wasted... and I guess we both felt the same way and for each day that goes by without us taking the effort to do something for us to reach the other, many supposed-to-be more memories were never given the chance to happen. Was it a waste of time? Or was it just meant to be so we could find better things and more good people into our lives? I believe it's the latter. I found good friends because I got no one to call my own. I broadened my horizon and let a few more people into my life. I have no regrets really and when I get to look back, I'm just so glad it happened. If it didn't, I wouldn't have made a few really good friends who I value so deeply as well. When I lost 1 friend, I earned a few. :)

But, I'm just thankful... especially now. Finally, that 'former' friend of mine is again my friend. I knew we just needed a talk but we just didn't take the effort to have that talk... not until recently. Guess everything that happened to me (especially with what happened to dad) made me forgive and forget (really, I can't remember the anger I felt for her anymore).

God is good. :) We should all praise Him.

Oh how I hate this!!!

I worked so hard to lose a few pounds! Been months! MONTHS! And with just about 2 weeks of no daily walks and swimming, I gained back all the weight and inches once more! Why? Why?!!! GRRRRR!!!!!

Just want to share My dream

I had one of those weird dreams again last night. It felt so real although it's obviously not real. Anyway, I just want to share it while it's still quite fresh in my mind.

I dreamt that Alain and I, together with my sisters were going on a trip... going where? I don't know but that's not important. Anyway, in my dream Alain suggested that we go to one of the cheap beaches here and I was so mad 'coz it's a black sand beach with nothing to see. When we went there, the water was clear but was a bit shallow. I got mad and I threw my shotgun (Yes I had a shotgun) in the water. Immediately after I threw the shotgun, the water level rose. We were in panic then I told Alain that I'm so sorry that I can't get my shotgun anymore 'coz the water level is so deep already. Then, the next scene was we were inside a shipping vessel. In there, there was an alien invasion. I was so scared because there are lots of aliens aboard the ship. Alain and I tried to escape and when we got out of the ship, I called my sister and she answered. She said they're already in Bacolod (my place) and we shouldn't worry about them. I was relieved because my sisters were safe but was scared because Alain and I are still not on safe land. There, we saw lots of robots. It's a robotic invasion! Aliens vs. robots! And Alain and I were just 2 of the many people stranded on that land. Since they were robots, we created our own robot and we hid inside the robot we just created so we won't get identified. Weird but on the wheels of our savior robot was a cat-like cartoon character. One robot tried to sniff his way from the wheels up... if it wasn't for our cartoon character hiding behind the robotic wheels, the robots would have spotted us hiding inside our own created robot! He saved us and... I woke up!

Whew! It was one great dream but it really got me scared. Just imagine, our planet invaded by aliens... and robots! Scary!

I'm home again

It's been a tough week. I spent an entire week at our farm trying to learn how to run it. It is difficult and painstaking but we have to do it. Remarkably, I started liking the place and the people. Everyone welcomed us and treated us like family. It was a wonderful feeling although I was tired everyday.

It's hard to suddenly be these people's boss. I am not used to it and I find it difficult especially because I am not a people person. I exerted my effort to mingle with them but making commands is still something that I need to master. My uncle is there and our driver who worked for us for more than 15 years is there. How can I command these two who were babying me when I was little? I tried and I am still trying because I am now their new boss. Goodness, it's so hard! So so hard!

My husband and I are really hoping that we can make our farm grow and earn good revenue from it. We'll try our best, I believe it's God's will that we stay here.

Friendship needs TLC

Went to Calea with Boo yesterday. Gosh... it's been like 2 years since Boo and I had a chance to get together and talk about anything. It felt as if we've never been apart though and we had a blast. We only had 1 1/2 hours to spend together so we packed it with laughter talking about our lives and about our friends. She can't believe when I flexed my arms. Woohoo! I have muscles! And she said I'm smaller than how I was when she last saw me. Woohoo!

It was fun. Geez, I miss having girlfriends. You see, all my friends have left Bacolod and I'm the only one who stayed. I missed Boo and I'm just so happy she was here. It's amazing that despite the distance and lack of time for each other, we still manage to nurture our friendship. I believe it's important to keep the friendship alive. You don't need to always keep in touch but when you do get to keep in touch, you nourish the friendship as much as you can so it would still be there no matter what. Unfortunately, I don't get to keep all my friends. I lost a lot of them and some did not even survive its first year. It's sad but that's just life. I don't believe in one-way friendships. It won't work so I would rather not waste more time with these people. I am happy with the friends that I have, friends that truly care about keeping the friendship alive.

I miss my girlfriends. Boo, Gucci, and Toy. Hihi! That's how we call them and they call me pre, short for kapre. LOL!

Just close your eyes... and fly!

Dad's home now. We still watch over him as much as we can because we don't want anything bad to happen to him again. With what had transpired over the week, our lives have definitely changed. My plans have changed and I'm just amazed at how God answers our prayers. I asked Him to guide me and He did. He answered my question loud and clear. God doesn't want me to leave the country. Why? Perhaps because He wants me to handle our family's farm or perhaps He has other reasons why He doesn't want me to leave and He just used the farm to make me change my plans. I must say, God is really amazing.

I find it quite funny though. Many times in the past that my sisters have asked me to quickly process my papers for Canada, something has always happened that changed the plan. Now, when everything seems steady and no one thought I won't leave next year, here He goes again. Why doesn't God want me to leave? Do I still have unfinished business here or is He just protecting me? I don't know really but I'm happy to feel His presence in my life. He protects me from something that I can not decipher yet but I can really feel that He is protecting me or at least putting me where I should be. He definitely answers our prayers and when He answered it, you can not question it anymore.

I am happy to feel my God. I am happy to lift my life up to Him because I know when God is the one in control, you can never go wrong. I will not question Him for the things that have transpired but I will continually thank Him for the things that are happening. Yes, what happened to our family has pained us but I know there is always a reason for everything. We are still not out of the dark yet but I know we would recover. We still need to get some cash for my dad's operation but we lift it up to God. We know we can gather enough money for dad's operation... we just don't know where to get it!

What's the opposite saying for "when it rains, it pours"???

We still remain hopeful despite what's happening right now. After dad's 2d-echo examination, we found out about the bad news. Dad needs a bypass surgery and it should be within 3 months. We need around P1,000,000 for this surgery and we don't have that amount of liquid asset. How can we sell a part of our property that quick? We only have our farm to sell. Who would even care to buy a few hectares of land especially at this time when farming doesn't seem to have hope???

Money is just money but a person's life is far more important. For now, I am just sad with what's going on. I can't believe this is for real. I wish everything's just a dream. Gosh... can't believe this is REALLY happening to us. Why? Why?!!! Why do we have to endure such pain? How long can we still hang on?

I need more prayers... For my dad and for my family.

---To my friends who continually send messages and show their compassion, thank you very much.

Do people even truly care?

My dad was lucky he survived a heart attack. It opened our eyes to the reality before us. I was shocked and shaken with what happened. I never thought something like that can truly happen in real life. But it did... and despite it all, I still see God's loving hands protecting my dad from the Grim Reaper. I thank God for saving my dad's life but I am still scared... very scared. Hope he would really be okay. I will not feel okay until he's back home. Until then, I'd still continue to be anxious yet hopeful. I can't imagine life without my dad... and I don't want to imagine it. I'm afraid to even think of it.

With what happened to my dad, I ended up thinking... what if same thing would happen to me... will anyone even care? Or they won't even notice that I am gone? Oh how I hate the world! People would befriend you just because they need something from you. When they already got what they want, they'd leave you. Would they even care if you're at the brink of death? Sadly, I realize they won't. Only your loved ones and true friends would truly take the effort to reach you. Only those who are true would come and show how much they truly care about you.

I am shocked. I am amazed. Only a few people gave us comfort. Only a few people truly cared about us... About what we feel. I am shocked. Deeply shocked! At last, I finally see what is real and what is not. I hate to judge but... I know, if a friend is experiencing such a pain as I do, I would definitely exert an effort to give a little bit of comfort. But then, that is me. I can't expect people to do the same for me. I shouldn't expect them to do the same for me. It's a truth that is hard to accept. But unfortunately, it's what I have to learn to accept.

For those who exerted an effort to reach out and prayed for my family, I thank you deeply. Really, your prayers mean a lot to us especially during this crisis. We are in pain, I can not hide that. But your prayers and support helps us through. I just wish there are more of you but... I am happy with those who reached out and showed us true love.

To my friends who texted and emailed me, thank you very much. Unfortunately, there are just a handful of you who did but... I am thankful. And with this handful of people, some are truly unexpected. I'm amazed that some people truly care about us despite the lack of deep friendship. Thanks for having such a good heart and for showing us how you also care. Thank you thank you thank you!

I will not judge those people who didn't take the time to send us even just a simple text. We all live in a busy world so I understand. You may be "really" busy that you can't even show a little bit of compassion to others. I just hope that when it's time that you'd need that same compassion, others won't be as busy as you are. 'Coz then, you would realize how painful it is when people won't even stop doing what they're doing just to show you they care.

I would still continue to ask for even more prayers. Dad is still under observation and we still need to continually pray for him to get better. Please continue to pray for my dad. Please...

One day I will walk down that aisle.. and you'll be waiting for me with tears in your eyes

I still wish for that day to come when I finally am ready to walk down that aisle and say our I do's in front of God and in front of the people that we love. That day will come and that's the day that I will celebrate. What we had is something special and I'm happy that everything's official but still, I yearn and I still dream for that day to come. I know, I would still be blessed and God won't allow me to settle for anything less. That day will come... When? I don't know. Next year? 3 years after? I can't really say but I know, deep down, that that day will come. I yearn and I still dream for that day to come.

For now, I am content. I am happy with what we have. It's a blessing. And I continually thank God for paving the way for us and for His continuous blessing that I can't thank Him enough. I found you, I loved you, we took a vow to love each other for all the days of our lives and for me, that is enough... for now. But someday, we would finally have the realization of our dream. I will wait for that day in all anticipation... It's the day that I can finally say, I am yours... and God is our witness and no one can ever separate us. Our souls would be united and even after death, no one can pull you away from me. You and me... as one soul.

"Finally"

MMMMMMMMMM

Ever since I was a baby girl I had a dream
Cinderella theme
Crazy as it seems
Always knew that deep inside that there would come that day
But I would have to wait
Make so many mistakes
I couldn't comprehend
As I watched it unfold
This classic story told I left it in the cold
Walking through an open door that led me back to you
Each one unlocking more of the truth

I finally stopped tripping on my youth
I finally got lost inside of you
I finally know that I needed to grow
And finally my mate has met my soul

[chorus]
Finally
Now my destiny can begin
Though we will have our differences
Something strange and new is happening
Finally
Now my life doesn't seem so bad
It's the best that I've ever had
Give my love to him finally

MMMMMMMM

I remember the beginning you already knew
I acted like a fool
Just trying to be cool
Fronting like it didn't matter
I just ran away
And on another phase
Was lost in my own space
Found what its like to hurt selfishly
Scared to give of me
Afraid to just believe
I was in a jealous, insecure, pathetic place
Stumbled through the mess that I have made

Finally got out of my own way
I've Finally started living for today
I finally know that I needed to grow
And finally my mate has met my soul

[chorus]
Finally
Now my destiny can begin
Though we will have a our differences
Something strange and new is happening
Finally
Now my life doesn't seem so bad
It's the best that I've ever had
Gave my love to him Finally

MMMMMMMM

Finally, Finally

Finally
Now my destiny can begin
Though we will have our differences
Something beautiful is happening, happening
Finally
Now my life doesn't seem so bad
It's the best that I've ever had
Give my love to him finally

Ohhhhhhh, Finally, Finally, finally

I realized...

...that life is worth living not just for your own happiness but because your existence make such a difference in some people's lives.

...that everybody will die but not everyone has lived.

...that sometimes you just have to let your guards down and not always be in control of things.

...that it's not just your voice that needs to be heard... that you need to hear other people's voice too.

...that life is sooo much sweeter once shared with others.

...that trials do make you stronger.

...that I need to be with friends too and how I miss being with them.

...that I need to forgive a few people.

...that anger won't do you any good. It's best to let go of the hatred you keep in your heart.

...that there are many who loves and cares about me and remembers me everyday.

...that I am happy being me.

Need prayers for my friend

A little prayer can definitely go a long way in times of trials and difficulties. Now, my kuya Onan needs to find a kidney donor and is in urgent need of one. If you happen to read my blog and is willing to help my good friend then please do contact me. I know it's a long shot but anything can happen. For everyone else, please, say a prayer for my Kuya Onan. Also, please pray for my best friend, mamy Shang, to be strong for her husband. This is a difficult time for them and combined prayers can really work wonders.

I'm tired.... so tired...

For months I fought hard to keep myself happy. I know my condition and I know I shouldn't succumb to my inner devils. I fought hard, battling with this evil voice that's telling me to just give up and let everything go. I hate it... just a little push and I start breaking to pieces again. I hate this feeling but I know I should fight it. I shouldn't succumb to it once more.

I'm tired... tired of fighting. I want it to just take me and fly me away, away from the life I know and into a different realm surrounded with horned beasts and dark entities. I'm tired of keeping my glow and yet prolonging my agony. I'm tired, can't you see? I'm just so tired.

Can I just be happy without being selfish? Life is a sacrifice that's burdening me. I can't pretend... can't snap out of it... I wish I could just give in.

Is it too selfish of me to ask?

Be with the people who loves you or the people that you love

Sometimes I wonder if it's worth it to cling on and be with the people you love and not get the reciprocation you truly deserve. It's heartbreaking and rather foolish. Sometimes it seems to become a habit and you barely notice that you are actually pushing yourself too hard and when it's time for you to let go, no matter what you do, you just can't. It's really hard when you start getting used to being abused and being contented with nothing. But sometimes, enough is enough and you just have to let go... only just when your heart finally starts to let go. It's easy to say that you should let go but when your heart is not in harmony with your mind, you can't give up just yet. You hold on... without knowing if there's a point for all your sacrifices and for all your pain. You hold on because you still romanticize the situation and just can't handle the facts.

When, finally, your heart starts accepting the reality and you start to loosen your grip will you truly understand that you have wasted your time with people who are undeserving. There are people around you who deserved your love and time, but you are just too focused that you barely even notice they exist. Only when you start to let go can you see the true beauty of actually being loved and to finally get the reciprocation you truly deserve. It is only then that you start to realize that when you love someone, it's much more rewarding if that someone loves you back. Love is not a one-way thing and both should put an effort to keep one another... not just one.

Stop romanticizing... It won't do you any good. Deal with the facts and accept the truth that you have to finally let go.

Have you heard of Chris Cendana?

I'm an instant fan of this guy. I love Jason Mraz's I'm yours song but I think this guy sang it well combined with happyslip's cup beat. :)

I hope you'd listen to this song over and over again as I did. I love the beat, I love how he sang it, I LOOOVE IT! Oh, and I love the reggae addition as well hihihi

Just want to share this on my blog 'coz I think it's pretty cool. ;)



And here's the version of happyslip! Don't you just LOOOOOVE happyslip? hihi

My day to day life

I've been really focused about losing weight for a couple of months now and I am more determined now to shed off the excess pounds I gained over the last 4 years or so. I want to go back to my old self when heads still turn when I pass by (LOL) Nah! I just want to be healthier and slimmer.

My day starts at 4 am. We ready ourselves for the morning walk and we arrive at the lagoon around 5 am and for 40 minutes we just circle around the lagoon for an estimate of 3 kilometers or so. After that, it's either my boyfriend drives me home or I stay with him for breakfast then he drives me home around 9.

The venue for our morning walk

From 9 am I'd check my e-mails, chat a little then when my eyes are tired I go to sleep for an hour. When I wake up, it's either I'd have my lunch or I'd start writing articles for my clients. From around 12 noon to 5 pm I work. From 5 pm, I would eat my dinner then I start preparing for the night swimming and my boyfriend picks me up around 6-630 pm and we go to the nearest resort for 10-12 laps of swimming ( just about 500-600 meters). I go home around 8 or 9 then I check my e-mails again and chat a little then hit the sack around 10:30 to 11 pm.

The resort

As the usual cycle, I'd sleep from 11 to 4 am then my day starts all over again. It's kinda exhausting but I am enjoying it.

On the weekends or whenever we're both free, we go to the mall and we never fail to visit our favorite arcades to shoot some hoops. In world of fun, my highest points ever reached was about 320 or so and in quantum I got 125 points or so. I'm a girl but I can beat most boys in shooting hoops. I never thought I would ever play this type of game 'coz I'm demure and I hate to sweat but, since I need to lose weight then I started playing it and now I'm hooked!

Life's fun especially when you're active. It's funny 'coz I can't imagine myself being as fat as I was last year. I mean, I was overweight in my pictures but now I'm a bit smaller and started developing muscles. I hate the muscles though but I guess I just have to live with it... It's not masculine-like anyway so I can handle it. :)

I aim to reach 135 pounds by September. It's the right weight for my height so I'm aiming for that. I'm not that far away now though and I am positive I'll get there pretty soon. Wish me luck!

The Secret to Success is to Stay Positive

I've been paranoid lately. The more I learn about the Canadian Embassy's rules for issuing of visa, the more nervous I get. I don't know for certain if they would approve my student visa application or not. Just the thought of it makes me nervous... probably because somehow, at the back of my head, I am also hoping to be denied. Weird, I know. Why apply in the first place if I'm having second thoughts... But the thing is, I know it's for the better but then I still feel like it's just too soon... Why force something to happen right away when you could just wait for it to happen? Do I still make sense? Nah...

I guess what I'm trying to say is, I am hoping to get an approved visa because it is for the better but then if I won't get approved, my life will still go on... A happier life at that. If I won't get approved, I could have a church wedding and I could invite my friends and family... all of them if I want to. If I won't get approved, I can start having kids and not wait until I graduate. If I won't get approved, I can still enjoy my life the way I am enjoying it now. IF I'd get approved, I'd start studying again... If I'd get approved, Alain would be happier. If I'd get approved, I'd be with my sisters and nephews in Canada. If I'd get approved, Gabgab would be happier.

*sigh* don't really know what I want. If I pray not to get approved, I'd be really selfish. I told them that at least we tried to apply, doesn't matter what the result would be. Denied or approved, it's what God is telling us to be the right thing. If God doesn't want us to leave, we'd get denied. If He thinks we should go, we'd be approved. It's that simple. Now, who are we to question His will?

Indian Nipple Song (english translation of Dilbar Dilbar)

If you want a good laugh, better watch this vid. It's not the real translation of the Dilbar Dilbar Song sung by Susmita Sen (Miss Universe). Watch it and enjoy! :) I watched it and couldn't stop laughing... Now, the song is stuck in my head! How embarrassing. LOL

Trip to Bantayan, Cebu

I went to Bantayan, Cebu together with Alain and his mom last week. It was a 6-day escapade that was bittersweet for me. Few days before that, Frank wrecked havoc on that small island and it caused such a devastation. When we went there, there were no electricity and water and the beach was not what I expected. It was horrible. At first, I already wanted to go home. Alain stood by me despite my tantrums and homesickness and that short 6-day trip became so memorable not because of the place, but because I shared those 6 days with him. We slept on the same room together with his mom. It was the first time I heard him snore and I had a hard time sleeping at first haha! It was memorable to say the least. Do I want to go back? No. But it was such a memorable experience for Alain and I and it's truly one of those that I'll cherish forever.
We still enjoyed the beach though especially when we went to Santa Fe. I looooove the white sand beach there, we stayed for the day at Ugtong beach resort. I miss swimming on the beach... been swimming almost every day in a pool but it's not as exciting as snorkelling on crystal clear water. I loved it there. Gosh, wish I could go back to Ugtong.
Well, I just want to share a few photos on our trip. :)

My baby made it. Yes, after almost a week of crying, worrying about my little baby Frosty, now she is home. I'm so happy she made it. The vet thought Frosty won't make it and I can see it in their faces that they were also very happy that she is back to her old naughty and noisy self.

The thought of just putting her to sleep broke my heart. I can't ever make that decision. But, as my good friend Reena the super maldita told me, if there is no hope then it's the most humane choice. I'm glad I didn't have to make that decision as the vet told us that Frosty is fighting back and she is getting stronger by the day.

I can't explain how happy I was when she was brought to us. She looked so different... so pretty! She got a new hairdo... so cute! Alain was happy to see Frosty too and he was really happy to see that I am happy. Without Alain's help, I don't know if Frosty would have the chance to survive that ordeal. Thank you Alain. :)

Kingkong was really happy to see his little sister. She was not as happy as Kingkong was though. He kept biting her and trying to bite off her two-ears hairdo. Grr! He was kind of envious of Frosty... the same typical scenario that I enjoyed before Frosty got sick. Frosty wants to be the star while Kingkong IS the star. They both fight for my attention and I love that so much! haha!

It's a happy day for me. I got my little baby back... Too bad I have to give her to my friend Reena the maldita by February though... Oh well... haha!

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?

This is a very powerful skit. Thanks to Tekla, she's the one who sent me the link to this video. At first I thought it was rather dull but then in the middle of the video I finally felt the message of the song. It moved me and I guess it moved all christians who also watched it. It's a great video that shows how God suffered to redeem us from sins.

Enjoy watching this video.

Lifehouse- Everything

Find Me Here
Speak To Me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you
You are the light
That's leading me
To the place where I find peace again.

You are the strength, that keeps me walking.
You are the hope, that keeps me trusting.
You are the light to my soul.
You are my purpose...you're everything.

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

You calm the storms, and you give me rest.
You hold me in your hands, you won't let me fall.
You steal my heart, and you take my breath away.
Would you take me in? Take me deeper now?

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Cause you're all I want, You're all I need
You're everything,everything
You're all I want your all I need
You're everything, everything.
You're all I want you're all I need.
You're everything, everything
You're all I want you're all I need, you're everything, everything.

And How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Feed the birds, tuppence a bag

It's a sad song... I was supposed to write something here about that song but suddenly, my sister came in my room crying, I ran down and saw her dog snowy just died. I felt bad for her. She's so sad and I can't do much to help her. I feel bad for the little chihuahua... seeing a dog dead isn't pretty. I hugged the doggy and tried to close her eyes. I listened to her heart and it already stopped beating. I feel bad... And I gotta post this song here too. *sigh*

Early each day to the steps of Saint Paul's
The little old bird woman comes
In her own special way to the people she call,
"Come, buy my bags full of crumbs;
Come feed the little birds,
Show them you care
And you'll be glad if you do
Their young ones are hungry
Their nests are so bare
All it takes is tuppence from you
Feed the birds, tuppence a bag
Tuppence, tuppence, tuppence a bag
Feed the birds," that's what she cries
While overhead, her birds fill the skies

All around the cathedral the saints and apostles
Look down as she sells her wares
Although you can't see it, You know they are smiling
Each time someone shows that he cares
Though her words are simple and few
Listen, listen, she's calling to you
"Feed the birds, tuppence a bag
Tuppence, tuppence, tuppence a bag"

Another Nightmare of the Past Lurked its Ugly Head

I've had lots of bad experiences in the past that I wish to just forget and I've been really trying my best to forget them as much as I can but sometimes, no matter how hard you try, the feelings come back as if it just happened moments ago and not many years ago.

It came to me while I was half-asleep at around 2 in the afternoon. It was scorching hot outside and I was exhausted from the morning swim so I decided to just sleep in my room with the airconditioning turned to its lowest temperature. I wasn't really asleep then and I felt like I was in some sort of trance and it led me back to that moment in my life... felt so real... felt like I was reliving that moment again. I opened my eyes and my heart started pumping fast and the first thing I thought of was to get out of the house because I felt like I couldn't breathe. The problem is, I have nowhere to go so I knew I just had to snap out of it. I did... somehow I was able to. But it just pisses me off that my mind's not being too friendly with me. I wonder why I got the sudden flashback that felt so real and it seems as if I could feel everything although I know everything's just a flash from my memory.

I try my hardest not to get depressed because I know it's too hard to snap out of it once I'm in my dark room again. Everyday is a challenge for me but I am happy to say that I am able to cope from sudden triggers such as this. I guess it's because of my will to stay as sane as possible that's why I get to fight it away.

I just thank God that despite everything, I have no anger in my heart anymore. It's so hard to forgive and it took me years to finally say that I forgave those people who have hurt me in the past. It feels good to live without any grudges. It's hard to give up the anger but once you do, life feels so much lighter.

---- It was just a flashback of my past. It felt horrible and so consuming but I am still grateful that it's all over now. :)

In Any Battle There Is No Winner...

Am I the only one who noticed this? People fight to win but in the end nobody really wins. In the process of fighting, we get to lose something so important but we just don't know how important they are in our lives. We're so focused to reach our goal, to get the award and beat our opponent that we blindedly don't realize we already have lost so much.

There really is no winner and what seems to you as a victory is really not. A pat at the back feels good after a job well done but how sweet is your victory if you have stepped on other people and put them to their misery? How good does it feel to be compared and get the recognition while the other gets all the humiliation? Is it all that worth it? Is it really what life is for? To win?

Sometimes being categorized as "good" or the protagonist while your enemy or rival as the "bad" or antagonists doesn't really make you a good person at all. It's just a name, a category or whatever you'd call it to separate you from the other. Does it mean that when you're bad then that is your role and when you're good you stick to that role? Can't both mix? Can't both dwell together? Is life all about seggregation of oneself to others not like you? Can't all just get along and make a name for everyone so everyone could just feel like they belong?

Sometimes an applause doesn't really make you feel good but buries you even deeper to more pain and more suffering. Am I the only one who noticed this? Am I the only one who feels this?

Nothing comes cheap anymore...

The prices of commodities are rising like never before and everyone’s left with less money to spare as savings. With the way things are going with my country now, I wonder what 5 years would be like… 10… 15… With this belt-tightening times, will the Filipinos ever survive?

Sure the wealthy can afford but even so everybody can feel the effects of inflation. What could be the cost of all these? Fuel price increase? China’s domination? Government manipulation? Or All of the above? I believe all these have made their impact to the country’s crisis and what can Juan de la Cruz do about it? I must say, we should all depend on ourselves to earn more and not wait for the government to help us out. Come on now, should you still be expecting that?

I find it pathetic that people rally on the streets demanding for wage increase or for “patalsikin si Gloria, or whoever” just because there is a problem. Stop doing the blame game now and start dealing with your problems starting with yourself! I find it pathetic that people are not contented with the government because the president promised to bring food on their table. Come on now! People, if you won’t work you won’t have anything. If you’re lazy, go eat scraps!

At this belt-tightening times, what Filipinos should do is to learn to save their money and resources and work even harder. Instead of pointing fingers, we should hold hands and help one another so we could all survive these trying times. It’s unity that we need and not pointing the gun to who is guilty. All of us are guilty. It’s not just the government’s fault. Heck, you’re the ones who voted for these people anyway. You let them buy your votes so you get what you deserve.

Anyway… Just want to voice out about the Meralco issue right now. All I can say is the government should just keep their mouth shut and leave Meralco alone. If the government takes hold of Meralco, just imagine how much they would end up charging the people. Let’s face it, they’re very manipulative.

Also, about the RCBC killings… It’s pathetic that our police would kill these “suspects” and say that there was a shootout when in fact those poor people didn’t have the chance to defend themselves. Why protect your own people? No robbery gang would have the guts to kill those employees point blank. Only the military and people who know they can get out of the situation CAN!

I hate watching the news. I just get depressed. LOL

Pagsubok

Just want to share this song.. it's old but I still love it. Love listening to it when I feel down and burdened.

Isip mo’y litung-lito
Sa mga panahong nais mong maaliw
Bakit ba ang bumabalakid
Ay ang ‘yong mundong ginagalawan

Ang buhay ay sadyang ganyan
Suliranin ‘di mapigilan
Itanim mo lang sa iyong puso
Kaya mo ‘yan

CHORUS
Pagkabigo’t alinlangan
Gumugulo sa isipan (’wag mong isuko)
Mga pagsubok lamang ‘yan (at ‘yong labanan)
‘Wag mong itigil ang laban
‘Wag mong isuko at ‘yong labanan

Huwag mong isiping ikaw lamang
Ang may madilim na kapalaran
Ika’y hindi tatalikuran
Ng ating Ama na S’yang lumikha

Hindi lang ikaw ang nagdurusa
At hindi lang ikaw ang lumuluha
Pasakit mo’y may katapusan
Kaya mo ‘yan

[Repeat CHORUS]

I'm so scared of the Oompa Loompas

I love the Chocolate Factory so much. As a young kid, for me it was heaven. I thought the Chocolate Factory really existed filled with all those yummy candies and with that delicious chocolate milk river that I wish is for real. It's candy heaven and watching the movie brings me back to my childhood. Unfortunately, one thing I hate about the movie are those scary oompa loompas. The classic movie had scary oompa loompas and the remake is even worse! They're hideous to the nth level and they never fail to freak me out. I can't even stare at them 'coz I'm afraid I'd have nightmares! So scary! Especially the oompa loompas from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (the remake)

Am I the only one who fears these little beings? I have nothing against midgets though and I am not a midget-hater. I just hate those oompa loompas. If without them, I'd watch Willy Wonka and the chocolate Factory and the Charlie and the chocolate factory over and over again. They ruined the movie for me! :( So scary! So so scary!

If you have no idea what they look like, check these links. (I won't post their pix here, I don't want to freak out every time I view my own blog!)

from the classic movie

from the remake- even scarier!:(

My niece had a pictorial

Our cute niece is growing up so fast. I can't believe how cute she's turning out to be. :)

My First Post

Let us all pray for the lives lost during the Myanmar cyclone and the China earthquake where thousands of people died. Let's help the victims by donating even just a few dollars through the many registered sites (including paypal) that accepts donations or send money directly to your country's representatives.

Let's all pray that these things won't happen again although we know it's really up to God's will. He has plans and when things can not be controlled, we have nothing else to do but lift it up to Him.

These are natural occurrences and are really inevitable. Hope new technology can help prompt us beforehand so fewer lives (if not zero) would be lost. For now, we just have to pray and help those who lost their family and many loved ones in Myanmar and China.