Another Nightmare of the Past Lurked its Ugly Head

I've had lots of bad experiences in the past that I wish to just forget and I've been really trying my best to forget them as much as I can but sometimes, no matter how hard you try, the feelings come back as if it just happened moments ago and not many years ago.

It came to me while I was half-asleep at around 2 in the afternoon. It was scorching hot outside and I was exhausted from the morning swim so I decided to just sleep in my room with the airconditioning turned to its lowest temperature. I wasn't really asleep then and I felt like I was in some sort of trance and it led me back to that moment in my life... felt so real... felt like I was reliving that moment again. I opened my eyes and my heart started pumping fast and the first thing I thought of was to get out of the house because I felt like I couldn't breathe. The problem is, I have nowhere to go so I knew I just had to snap out of it. I did... somehow I was able to. But it just pisses me off that my mind's not being too friendly with me. I wonder why I got the sudden flashback that felt so real and it seems as if I could feel everything although I know everything's just a flash from my memory.

I try my hardest not to get depressed because I know it's too hard to snap out of it once I'm in my dark room again. Everyday is a challenge for me but I am happy to say that I am able to cope from sudden triggers such as this. I guess it's because of my will to stay as sane as possible that's why I get to fight it away.

I just thank God that despite everything, I have no anger in my heart anymore. It's so hard to forgive and it took me years to finally say that I forgave those people who have hurt me in the past. It feels good to live without any grudges. It's hard to give up the anger but once you do, life feels so much lighter.

---- It was just a flashback of my past. It felt horrible and so consuming but I am still grateful that it's all over now. :)