Wednesday, August 5, 2015

A letter for my daughter Danica Rheynne Yu

Oh such wonder you are to me...

‘Twas almost midnight when I successfully tucked Nica to sleep tonight. She was able to sleep in the afternoon so it became torturous for me to try and let her sleep. If only you know ‘nak what your mom’s schedule is but I know you’re much too young to really comprehend why mommy became so busy already.

Mornings I wake up before you do so we could encourage you to wake up early. I know you hate waking up as I hate waking up too. Manang mana ka sa mom mo, nak, so I know how you feel. But even so, I push myself to wake up at 5:30 am. Do you know I sleep around 3am? But I don’t complain. I love waking up for you. Though I am not the one who do your morning routine with you, but I want to just be there, as much as possible I want to be alert and wide awake so we could cuddle, play around a little and pray together. I love receiving a hug from you and wishing you a good day as you bid me goodbye as you head for school. My body’s really tired so I try to sleep before 8 to wake up around 10:30. As you head to your other home to study and play some, mommy is already wide awake busy with work. You know I work for you, right? Sure you understand but maybe not as well because you continue to make green papered money for me ‘cos you want me to have money. I know what you’re saying is, you want me to have money already so I won’t be so busy and we’d be back to playing more. So though I have a lot of things I need to do and my body’s feeling a bit tired, when you arrive from your other home I make sure I spend an hour or two with you. I want to be with you, to make you feel you’re my number one because I love you.

At night my energy’s about to run out but you are at your most energetic. We play around, sometimes you ask me to toss you around like a crazy lil girl that you are. Do you know mommy’s heart is not so good? Sure you do, but maybe not as well because you continue to beg me to make rough play with you as I try to gasp for air every now and then. But it doesn’t matter, I want to love you and make you feel how much you mean to me. I just stop when I can’t take anymore and see that you are already satisfied with our “play” which actually feels like a UFC bout.

Then it’s time to go to bed. I bought you 3 storybooks and you want me to read all 3 of them plus online stories before you sleep. I am so tired, ready to cry, but I don’t because I want to read you stories. It’s therapy for me to hear you giggle, listen to how you interpret the stories and how you laugh when you change the story and make all side comments about how the characters are portrayed in the illustrations. I love your imagination, ‘nak. You have such a brilliant mind I can’t help but be proud of you. There are nights when you simply don’t want to sleep when I have a deadline I need to reach. You know mommy still need to work, right? Sure you do, but maybe not as well because you still say you don’t want to sleep and you want to cuddle some more. And I do. I love cuddling with you my dearest one. I love feeling your skin brushing against mine. I love your butterfly kisses, your giggles and many I love you’s. I love how you make all sorts of reasons just to distract me and give my full attention to you. I love you so much my lil girl. As tired as I am but I like spending time with you.

Now you’re asleep and I look at you and I sigh in great wonder. You are such a sweetheart. I can’t start working yet because I am just amazed by you. As tired as I am but you energize me. You gave me so much strength because you make my heart happy every time I see you. You are so wonderful. I never thought I am capable of loving another this way until you came into my life. Ours was not a love at first sight but a love that grew and it’s growing exponentially. I will never stop loving you.


Oh how blessed I am in this life of mine.


(Danica aged 4 years and 10 months as of this writing.)