I realized...

...that life is worth living not just for your own happiness but because your existence make such a difference in some people's lives.

...that everybody will die but not everyone has lived.

...that sometimes you just have to let your guards down and not always be in control of things.

...that it's not just your voice that needs to be heard... that you need to hear other people's voice too.

...that life is sooo much sweeter once shared with others.

...that trials do make you stronger.

...that I need to be with friends too and how I miss being with them.

...that I need to forgive a few people.

...that anger won't do you any good. It's best to let go of the hatred you keep in your heart.

...that there are many who loves and cares about me and remembers me everyday.

...that I am happy being me.

Need prayers for my friend

A little prayer can definitely go a long way in times of trials and difficulties. Now, my kuya Onan needs to find a kidney donor and is in urgent need of one. If you happen to read my blog and is willing to help my good friend then please do contact me. I know it's a long shot but anything can happen. For everyone else, please, say a prayer for my Kuya Onan. Also, please pray for my best friend, mamy Shang, to be strong for her husband. This is a difficult time for them and combined prayers can really work wonders.

I'm tired.... so tired...

For months I fought hard to keep myself happy. I know my condition and I know I shouldn't succumb to my inner devils. I fought hard, battling with this evil voice that's telling me to just give up and let everything go. I hate it... just a little push and I start breaking to pieces again. I hate this feeling but I know I should fight it. I shouldn't succumb to it once more.

I'm tired... tired of fighting. I want it to just take me and fly me away, away from the life I know and into a different realm surrounded with horned beasts and dark entities. I'm tired of keeping my glow and yet prolonging my agony. I'm tired, can't you see? I'm just so tired.

Can I just be happy without being selfish? Life is a sacrifice that's burdening me. I can't pretend... can't snap out of it... I wish I could just give in.

Is it too selfish of me to ask?

Be with the people who loves you or the people that you love

Sometimes I wonder if it's worth it to cling on and be with the people you love and not get the reciprocation you truly deserve. It's heartbreaking and rather foolish. Sometimes it seems to become a habit and you barely notice that you are actually pushing yourself too hard and when it's time for you to let go, no matter what you do, you just can't. It's really hard when you start getting used to being abused and being contented with nothing. But sometimes, enough is enough and you just have to let go... only just when your heart finally starts to let go. It's easy to say that you should let go but when your heart is not in harmony with your mind, you can't give up just yet. You hold on... without knowing if there's a point for all your sacrifices and for all your pain. You hold on because you still romanticize the situation and just can't handle the facts.

When, finally, your heart starts accepting the reality and you start to loosen your grip will you truly understand that you have wasted your time with people who are undeserving. There are people around you who deserved your love and time, but you are just too focused that you barely even notice they exist. Only when you start to let go can you see the true beauty of actually being loved and to finally get the reciprocation you truly deserve. It is only then that you start to realize that when you love someone, it's much more rewarding if that someone loves you back. Love is not a one-way thing and both should put an effort to keep one another... not just one.

Stop romanticizing... It won't do you any good. Deal with the facts and accept the truth that you have to finally let go.

Have you heard of Chris Cendana?

I'm an instant fan of this guy. I love Jason Mraz's I'm yours song but I think this guy sang it well combined with happyslip's cup beat. :)

I hope you'd listen to this song over and over again as I did. I love the beat, I love how he sang it, I LOOOVE IT! Oh, and I love the reggae addition as well hihihi

Just want to share this on my blog 'coz I think it's pretty cool. ;)



And here's the version of happyslip! Don't you just LOOOOOVE happyslip? hihi

My day to day life

I've been really focused about losing weight for a couple of months now and I am more determined now to shed off the excess pounds I gained over the last 4 years or so. I want to go back to my old self when heads still turn when I pass by (LOL) Nah! I just want to be healthier and slimmer.

My day starts at 4 am. We ready ourselves for the morning walk and we arrive at the lagoon around 5 am and for 40 minutes we just circle around the lagoon for an estimate of 3 kilometers or so. After that, it's either my boyfriend drives me home or I stay with him for breakfast then he drives me home around 9.

The venue for our morning walk

From 9 am I'd check my e-mails, chat a little then when my eyes are tired I go to sleep for an hour. When I wake up, it's either I'd have my lunch or I'd start writing articles for my clients. From around 12 noon to 5 pm I work. From 5 pm, I would eat my dinner then I start preparing for the night swimming and my boyfriend picks me up around 6-630 pm and we go to the nearest resort for 10-12 laps of swimming ( just about 500-600 meters). I go home around 8 or 9 then I check my e-mails again and chat a little then hit the sack around 10:30 to 11 pm.

The resort

As the usual cycle, I'd sleep from 11 to 4 am then my day starts all over again. It's kinda exhausting but I am enjoying it.

On the weekends or whenever we're both free, we go to the mall and we never fail to visit our favorite arcades to shoot some hoops. In world of fun, my highest points ever reached was about 320 or so and in quantum I got 125 points or so. I'm a girl but I can beat most boys in shooting hoops. I never thought I would ever play this type of game 'coz I'm demure and I hate to sweat but, since I need to lose weight then I started playing it and now I'm hooked!

Life's fun especially when you're active. It's funny 'coz I can't imagine myself being as fat as I was last year. I mean, I was overweight in my pictures but now I'm a bit smaller and started developing muscles. I hate the muscles though but I guess I just have to live with it... It's not masculine-like anyway so I can handle it. :)

I aim to reach 135 pounds by September. It's the right weight for my height so I'm aiming for that. I'm not that far away now though and I am positive I'll get there pretty soon. Wish me luck!

The Secret to Success is to Stay Positive

I've been paranoid lately. The more I learn about the Canadian Embassy's rules for issuing of visa, the more nervous I get. I don't know for certain if they would approve my student visa application or not. Just the thought of it makes me nervous... probably because somehow, at the back of my head, I am also hoping to be denied. Weird, I know. Why apply in the first place if I'm having second thoughts... But the thing is, I know it's for the better but then I still feel like it's just too soon... Why force something to happen right away when you could just wait for it to happen? Do I still make sense? Nah...

I guess what I'm trying to say is, I am hoping to get an approved visa because it is for the better but then if I won't get approved, my life will still go on... A happier life at that. If I won't get approved, I could have a church wedding and I could invite my friends and family... all of them if I want to. If I won't get approved, I can start having kids and not wait until I graduate. If I won't get approved, I can still enjoy my life the way I am enjoying it now. IF I'd get approved, I'd start studying again... If I'd get approved, Alain would be happier. If I'd get approved, I'd be with my sisters and nephews in Canada. If I'd get approved, Gabgab would be happier.

*sigh* don't really know what I want. If I pray not to get approved, I'd be really selfish. I told them that at least we tried to apply, doesn't matter what the result would be. Denied or approved, it's what God is telling us to be the right thing. If God doesn't want us to leave, we'd get denied. If He thinks we should go, we'd be approved. It's that simple. Now, who are we to question His will?

Indian Nipple Song (english translation of Dilbar Dilbar)

If you want a good laugh, better watch this vid. It's not the real translation of the Dilbar Dilbar Song sung by Susmita Sen (Miss Universe). Watch it and enjoy! :) I watched it and couldn't stop laughing... Now, the song is stuck in my head! How embarrassing. LOL

Trip to Bantayan, Cebu

I went to Bantayan, Cebu together with Alain and his mom last week. It was a 6-day escapade that was bittersweet for me. Few days before that, Frank wrecked havoc on that small island and it caused such a devastation. When we went there, there were no electricity and water and the beach was not what I expected. It was horrible. At first, I already wanted to go home. Alain stood by me despite my tantrums and homesickness and that short 6-day trip became so memorable not because of the place, but because I shared those 6 days with him. We slept on the same room together with his mom. It was the first time I heard him snore and I had a hard time sleeping at first haha! It was memorable to say the least. Do I want to go back? No. But it was such a memorable experience for Alain and I and it's truly one of those that I'll cherish forever.
We still enjoyed the beach though especially when we went to Santa Fe. I looooove the white sand beach there, we stayed for the day at Ugtong beach resort. I miss swimming on the beach... been swimming almost every day in a pool but it's not as exciting as snorkelling on crystal clear water. I loved it there. Gosh, wish I could go back to Ugtong.
Well, I just want to share a few photos on our trip. :)