I've been paranoid lately. The more I learn about the Canadian Embassy's rules for issuing of visa, the more nervous I get. I don't know for certain if they would approve my student visa application or not. Just the thought of it makes me nervous... probably because somehow, at the back of my head, I am also hoping to be denied. Weird, I know. Why apply in the first place if I'm having second thoughts... But the thing is, I know it's for the better but then I still feel like it's just too soon... Why force something to happen right away when you could just wait for it to happen? Do I still make sense? Nah...
I guess what I'm trying to say is, I am hoping to get an approved visa because it is for the better but then if I won't get approved, my life will still go on... A happier life at that. If I won't get approved, I could have a church wedding and I could invite my friends and family... all of them if I want to. If I won't get approved, I can start having kids and not wait until I graduate. If I won't get approved, I can still enjoy my life the way I am enjoying it now. IF I'd get approved, I'd start studying again... If I'd get approved, Alain would be happier. If I'd get approved, I'd be with my sisters and nephews in Canada. If I'd get approved, Gabgab would be happier.
*sigh* don't really know what I want. If I pray not to get approved, I'd be really selfish. I told them that at least we tried to apply, doesn't matter what the result would be. Denied or approved, it's what God is telling us to be the right thing. If God doesn't want us to leave, we'd get denied. If He thinks we should go, we'd be approved. It's that simple. Now, who are we to question His will?
I guess what I'm trying to say is, I am hoping to get an approved visa because it is for the better but then if I won't get approved, my life will still go on... A happier life at that. If I won't get approved, I could have a church wedding and I could invite my friends and family... all of them if I want to. If I won't get approved, I can start having kids and not wait until I graduate. If I won't get approved, I can still enjoy my life the way I am enjoying it now. IF I'd get approved, I'd start studying again... If I'd get approved, Alain would be happier. If I'd get approved, I'd be with my sisters and nephews in Canada. If I'd get approved, Gabgab would be happier.
*sigh* don't really know what I want. If I pray not to get approved, I'd be really selfish. I told them that at least we tried to apply, doesn't matter what the result would be. Denied or approved, it's what God is telling us to be the right thing. If God doesn't want us to leave, we'd get denied. If He thinks we should go, we'd be approved. It's that simple. Now, who are we to question His will?
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