What It's Like...

I feel like I'm drowning but there's no water. I feel suffocated and I try to breathe but there's no air of relief for me. They say I should just snap out of it and not even allow it to come and visit me but, I tried all that and it's still here and it's making my life miserable. I want this out of my life as much as people get irritated when I am like this. Normally, I am a happy and very positive person but when I get drowned with my miseries then I'm starting to slip out of what people would consider "normal". I hide... hide what I feel inside 'coz I don't want to burden those around me. But, it makes it even worse.

Is there anyone who understands me even without trying? I feel so alone with my battle that I often isolate myself just so I could be free to feel what I feel and find answers to my own questions. Why do I even have to suffer like this? It's just not fair... so unfair. But, I need to be strong and to keep holding on... but for how long? How long can I do this?

"Snap out of it, Lila. You're much better than that. Get up, stand up and fight!"
"What to do? Why am I in pain? I can't hold on... Can't hang on. Give up now."
"You're such a mess. You're horrible. The world won't even notice when you're gone so why still stay here? Go!"
"Can't go away... It'll hurt the people around me. My love won't be able to take it and he can't cope with the pain I have caused. I can't go."
"Time will eventually heal all wounds and the pain you caused will eventually be forgotten. Go, free yourself."
"You're cursed. Probably because you deserve it. You're a bad person."
"I did nothing wrong to deserve this. Why do I live this kind of life?"

--so many voices inside my head... gives me headaches and it consumes me... I hate these voices but they don't ever stop!---