Life has hurdles... You can't run as smoothly as you wish

Just when things started to feel "ok" at the office then all of a sudden this man started to say harsh words to me over the phone over something that is really not my own doing. Yes, I wrote the report but it wasn't my decision to write that. Oh well, it bothered me so much and it feels like water had been splashed over the fire that burns in me to work really hard. Good thing though, my boss is really nice. But, the fire is already gone and I'm no longer happy.

What to do? Am I acting spoiled that over something small I already want to give up on this job? I don't know... I guess I just want a perfect world... a world with not too many bad people around. I can't believe how mean people could be here... I just remember how my friend "J" would feel when she was still working in AMN. Now I feel what she felt then although in my case, my enemy is staying in a far away plant... Still, that incident bothers me up to this day and it angers me. I wish I could have fought with him and not act educated so he could taste what it feels like to fight with Lila. But... I know that would be unwise. Oh well, right now I'm just hanging in there so to speak. Just waiting for the day that I could finally resign...

What will I do next when that day comes? I don't know. :( I don't want to look for a job again... I'll hopefully have enough cash to start a biz... that would be the better life for me, I guess. I don't really know anymore. I just don't feel like I'm really up to being an employee. It's such a bummer!

If there's anything that I am most grateful for it's this...

Life is hard no matter what but I am thankful for the fast-paced life I have now. Now I'm always busy and although that's not always a good thing but it turns out to be a great pill for my life-long battle of confusion and peaceless mind. I'm always worried about certain things and I get easily depressed but so far I haven't felt the same depression that I used to have, at least not on the same level as before.

For that I am really glad and I feel so blessed now. Whenever I feel nervous about projects, I just leave it as is and it's not as bad as I have imagined it. Projects kept coming and now I no longer have to worry about finances. Slowly we are gaining back what we have spent and it's such a good feeling to go positive once again. The more I recall the past experiences, the more I realize that God was pulling me away from what could have been bad decisions in my life. God is a good God indeed and although sometimes it feels like His help or redemption comes a bit too late but I know there is a good reason for everything. I'm such a believer of God before especially when 1 night I had a question about my belief in Him and He came to me in a dream and I was trembling in fear. He was mad at me for not trusting Him and I felt His power- was trembling not because I was afraid but because I was stunned that He answered me to keep me from being confused with my faith. That should have been enough to keep me believing in Him forever but things happened and I doubted Him to the point that I really hated Him. I kept asking why He would let all these things happen to me when I did nothing wrong and never intently hurt another. I've been a good child of God but why did He allow me to suffer that way? I wondered and got really angry at Him but thankfully, with good people around me telling me to continue my faith in Him, that I found my way back to Him again... it wasn't easy but everything fell into place and there's no other possible way I could explain it.

I guess it's time for me to just continue receiving the bounty that God has in store for me. I feel so blessed and I am very thankful for it. If there's anything that I truly wish for now, it's to have a baby ;) but... I guess God won't give it to me yet because it's still not the right time. I'm sure the baby will just come when God thinks it's the right time for us to move another step, a new phase in our lives, and that is to be parents... Hope I could be as loving and strict as our Father and hope I could really teach the Word of God to all my future children.

Hasta mañana 'til we meet again...

Gosh, I completely forgot about this blog. Well, anyway, at least I have something nice to post on my blog again...

Met up with Kym in Figaro where she works 'coz my hubby would have his interview just a walk away from the place. Texted Jodie to come but there was no assurance that she can but thankfully, she made it! Yay! I miss my siobe so much and she knows how much I care for her and I'm happy she made it.

Anyway, here are just a few of the snaps she took using her new phone (heehee) It's one thing I always forget. As much as I want to take pictures, I often get so engrossed with the moment I spend with people that I end up forgetting about picture-taking. ;)

The three of us. Me, Jodie and Kym

With my siobe

Tres marias again

Hug from Siobe

Me and KYM!

me and pangga Kym

Smile!

AMN???

... a new beginning

I'm now here in Laguna. It's been tough but it's really so much fun. I like it here... so peaceful and we're in a safe neighborhood. 1 thing I like about the place is the fact that most of my friends are just nearby. I met up with Daisy who lives a few blocks away, met up with Noreen who worked in Hitachi, met up with bestest friend Shang and her hubby Onan, met up with my chenak Reena and her husband Loi and finally, had our first guest in our apartment- my friend Gucci. Still have a lot of people I want to meet such as Rea, Kat, Greg, Hiede n baby, and Shera. Have lots of friends who live here so yay!!!

I'm happy... although it's still not complete but so far I know we made the right, yet tough, decision. This Saturday we'd be going to Reena's house for an overnight celebration of Alain's birthday which is on Sunday, June 14. That's a Father's Day so we had to push it a day before. He'll cook baby back ribs while he, Loi and Loi's barkada would drink beer while Reena and I will just watch hahaha! It'll be fun!... I hope! ;)

It's not my fault

This is something that I need to internalize and absorb. I feel so stressed out about our situation and I always, always, want to make sure everything will go according to plan. It's not that I feel guilty, but I feel so horrible about the painful ordeal last February. I often end up feeling as if I was the one who caused all of this and that I'm the one who needs to prove myself to people. But, as what they always tell me, this is not my fault.

I am the victim here and I'm not the one who should exert this much effort to get things done. I'm not the one and I need to relax a little bit. But how can I?!!