A Tribute to my baby... KingKong

Kingkong, your death was so sudden that we were not prepared. I admit, I was at fault, has taken you for granted that day because of all the chaos but I never thought it would end your life. I am so sorry my baby. Your death pains me so much. I could not believe our baby is now gone. The thought of you still brings me to tears. I loved you so much... too much. Alain and I will miss you and will always remember you. I loved you, I still love you and will always love you. No dog can replace you.

Rest in Peace, my baby :'''''''''''''''''(

Tribute to my Ninang Mila

My Ninang Mila died this morning due to cardiac arrest. It was very shocking as she only had fever and loose bowel movement yesterday. Was supposed to talk to her yesterday and apologize because my wedding won't push through. She was my "ninang sa binyag" and she was supposed to be one of my "ninang sa kasal" as well. A couple of nights ago she called me up and asked what happened. I explained to her and she said I can just go to her if I need any comfort or help. I appreciated it. She's the only ninang I had who gave me gifts every Christmas until I reached 18. I love my ninang Mila. I do. She lives just across our house and she's a very caring woman.

I didn't get enough rest the past days and this morning I was awakened by this shocking news. I feel sad... I loved my ninang Mila and now all of a sudden she's gone. If only I knew about her condition I would have asked them to bring her to the doctor yesterday when it was still not too late. All the what if's but, I didn't know any better. No one did. Maybe it's just really her time. It's sad that she even had her gown made in preparation for my wedding. Maybe now that's what she'll be wearing for her final resting place. I'm sad and very shocked. She's the closest person in my heart who died. And it's so sudden. And during this very hard ordeal in my life. Maybe she'll be my guardian angel. Maybe what she said to me, the last words she said to me, would remain true even until now. That maybe I can still go to her if I need comfort and when I need help... just maybe, she said those words for a reason. I dunno... maybe I am just being emotional here. I am just thankful that her death was swift... not too painful. I just feel bad for the husband though. They already accepted that he'd be the first to go since he is, well, dying. But, who would've thought she'd go first. Who would have thought?

My ninang Mila is like my second mother and I will forever remember her and will always have a place in my heart. She always had... she always will. Goodbye ninang... Have a happy journey back to our home...

My heart is empty

I feel like a big chunk of my soul is lost. Letting go is so hard but it's what I had to do. There won't be a wedding anymore because of what's happening. I just feel so alone this time. I have friends who are offering help and I appreciate that but I still feel so alone.

I don't know what God wants me to learn from all these. I can't believe I have to experience such pain. Why me? Why let me go through with this? Why me? I am not strong enough. I can't handle problems as easily as some people, I succumb right away. Yeah, maybe they're right. I am still immature. I still can't handle situations well but, who could handle such problems as the ones I am facing? It's so easy to judge me but be in my shoes and tell me, how does it feel?

I feel so choked, I feel so lost, I feel so angry and I hate my life. I do. I hate my life but life has to go on even despite everything. I just want to know what God wants me to learn. I just want to know what good will this do for me in the future. What?!!

I am keeping my faith. I am trying so hard to be back on track and walk hand in hand with God again but it's just so hard. I am slowly losing grip once more but I am not letting go. Not this time... Not anymore. I just hope that He is helping me do the right thing. I hope I am doing the right thing. I don't want to worry anymore, I feel so drained that I can't worry anymore. I want to be happy, just want to be happy. Is that really too much to ask? Why is happiness so hard to achieve? I am not asking much but just a normal life, a life where we could be free, but why is it so hard for me to have?

I need prayers and not pity so please don't feel sorry for me.

Just another ordinary day...

Saying goodbye is hard. I just want to say thank you to all who made life worth living for me. I love my friends and my family a lot but, sometimes, people have to make decisions in their lives.

Have nothing much to say here actually. Just that, I needed to make a new post here. To those people that I love, let me just say this to you. I love you all very much. Don't think I don't. Don't think I'm selfish. I'm not. I just need to do some things because there's no other way...

And the point of this post is?

Well, as it turns out, I may not leave Bacolod after all. Although I still want to push for my plans but, with the way the economy is going right now I think that plan would have to be postponed or cancelled.

I've been pushing and pushing for things to happen to my life that they end up happening quite the opposite of what I wanted. It can be very disappointing but I believe it's because it's really not meant to be. I can't say it's because I believe I should leave everything to God. I mean, yeah I believe in Him but I don't think I should just let Him decide everything for me. If that's the case then there's really no point why He gave us brains, right? This is not a religious post, mind you. It's just that I get so disappointed in myself sometimes when I don't get what I wanted or planned but now I finally admit that it's time for me to take the back seat. I'll just let everything slide because people around me are getting dizzy with my on and off plans. I am quite dizzy too but it's just that I want to be practical before I take the plunge.

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On another note, I just found out that Oprah Winfrey does not believe in God. I don't think she really is an atheist but more of, she worships herself. I can't actually debate with her belief because she has some points too that you can only depend on yourself and if you want anything, it's only you who can make it come true. I am actually agreeing to her in that sense but I don't think it's still right to worship yourself and reject the idea of onethat there is a God. I am just amazed that the most powerful woman in the world (based on my own opinion) actually does not believe in God and she gets a lot of respect from the society and she has a lot of money. Religious people would say, if you are not with God then you are nothing. Well, Oprah is not with God but she has everything so doesn't that just contradict what those religious people say? Of course I am not being sarcastic about religion here but then, I think I also have a point there. I just think that we really are the ones in control of our lives. If we fail and we feel miserable in our lives then it's only ourselves who are to be blamed. We make our own reality and if you're not happy with your life then you can't go and blame God for that 'coz it's you who made yourself that. Oprah believes that too and look at her now. She made herself that way that's why she is that. I think we should also learn from Oprah although I don't acknowledge the kind of religion she is trying to teach the society (although I know I sound like a believer already). The fact is I do believe in God and although I may be really angry at Him sometimes but I can not deny my faith in Him. Not an Oprah or any other person can make me do that.

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I recently got this new idea for a business (again) and this time I am really thinking of trying it out too. After the detergent biz that actually was taken away from me, I now want to create my own brand of scents. Yes, I want to make scents... colognes, perfumes, etc. I am so fascinated by this because it may seem like a simple chemistry but the magic really comes in mixing the right scents to create a great and unique fragrance. I don't want to copy any fragrance because that will make my brand look cheap. I want to create my own new fragrances and sell them. I am so excited but I need a lot of money to put up this biz. I don't want to use cheap oils, I want the expensive ones! hehe! Oh well, wish me luck! I really want to start this new biz!


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Been sick for 6 days now and I'm still counting. I don't know why I got this sick but I really hate this feeling. I can't do anything much as I easily get tired and I just want to rest. My throat hurts now and I'm still very dizzy. I just hope that I'll feel better soon. Gosh, I'm getting married in less than a month! I suddenly feel butterflies in my tummy. Whew! Hopefully I won't faint! heehee!

That's it for now. I wasn't able to post much the past month and I may not be able to post another blog entry any time soon so might as well post everything I can think of right now! ;)