I'm home again

It's been a tough week. I spent an entire week at our farm trying to learn how to run it. It is difficult and painstaking but we have to do it. Remarkably, I started liking the place and the people. Everyone welcomed us and treated us like family. It was a wonderful feeling although I was tired everyday.

It's hard to suddenly be these people's boss. I am not used to it and I find it difficult especially because I am not a people person. I exerted my effort to mingle with them but making commands is still something that I need to master. My uncle is there and our driver who worked for us for more than 15 years is there. How can I command these two who were babying me when I was little? I tried and I am still trying because I am now their new boss. Goodness, it's so hard! So so hard!

My husband and I are really hoping that we can make our farm grow and earn good revenue from it. We'll try our best, I believe it's God's will that we stay here.

Friendship needs TLC

Went to Calea with Boo yesterday. Gosh... it's been like 2 years since Boo and I had a chance to get together and talk about anything. It felt as if we've never been apart though and we had a blast. We only had 1 1/2 hours to spend together so we packed it with laughter talking about our lives and about our friends. She can't believe when I flexed my arms. Woohoo! I have muscles! And she said I'm smaller than how I was when she last saw me. Woohoo!

It was fun. Geez, I miss having girlfriends. You see, all my friends have left Bacolod and I'm the only one who stayed. I missed Boo and I'm just so happy she was here. It's amazing that despite the distance and lack of time for each other, we still manage to nurture our friendship. I believe it's important to keep the friendship alive. You don't need to always keep in touch but when you do get to keep in touch, you nourish the friendship as much as you can so it would still be there no matter what. Unfortunately, I don't get to keep all my friends. I lost a lot of them and some did not even survive its first year. It's sad but that's just life. I don't believe in one-way friendships. It won't work so I would rather not waste more time with these people. I am happy with the friends that I have, friends that truly care about keeping the friendship alive.

I miss my girlfriends. Boo, Gucci, and Toy. Hihi! That's how we call them and they call me pre, short for kapre. LOL!

Just close your eyes... and fly!

Dad's home now. We still watch over him as much as we can because we don't want anything bad to happen to him again. With what had transpired over the week, our lives have definitely changed. My plans have changed and I'm just amazed at how God answers our prayers. I asked Him to guide me and He did. He answered my question loud and clear. God doesn't want me to leave the country. Why? Perhaps because He wants me to handle our family's farm or perhaps He has other reasons why He doesn't want me to leave and He just used the farm to make me change my plans. I must say, God is really amazing.

I find it quite funny though. Many times in the past that my sisters have asked me to quickly process my papers for Canada, something has always happened that changed the plan. Now, when everything seems steady and no one thought I won't leave next year, here He goes again. Why doesn't God want me to leave? Do I still have unfinished business here or is He just protecting me? I don't know really but I'm happy to feel His presence in my life. He protects me from something that I can not decipher yet but I can really feel that He is protecting me or at least putting me where I should be. He definitely answers our prayers and when He answered it, you can not question it anymore.

I am happy to feel my God. I am happy to lift my life up to Him because I know when God is the one in control, you can never go wrong. I will not question Him for the things that have transpired but I will continually thank Him for the things that are happening. Yes, what happened to our family has pained us but I know there is always a reason for everything. We are still not out of the dark yet but I know we would recover. We still need to get some cash for my dad's operation but we lift it up to God. We know we can gather enough money for dad's operation... we just don't know where to get it!

What's the opposite saying for "when it rains, it pours"???

We still remain hopeful despite what's happening right now. After dad's 2d-echo examination, we found out about the bad news. Dad needs a bypass surgery and it should be within 3 months. We need around P1,000,000 for this surgery and we don't have that amount of liquid asset. How can we sell a part of our property that quick? We only have our farm to sell. Who would even care to buy a few hectares of land especially at this time when farming doesn't seem to have hope???

Money is just money but a person's life is far more important. For now, I am just sad with what's going on. I can't believe this is for real. I wish everything's just a dream. Gosh... can't believe this is REALLY happening to us. Why? Why?!!! Why do we have to endure such pain? How long can we still hang on?

I need more prayers... For my dad and for my family.

---To my friends who continually send messages and show their compassion, thank you very much.

Do people even truly care?

My dad was lucky he survived a heart attack. It opened our eyes to the reality before us. I was shocked and shaken with what happened. I never thought something like that can truly happen in real life. But it did... and despite it all, I still see God's loving hands protecting my dad from the Grim Reaper. I thank God for saving my dad's life but I am still scared... very scared. Hope he would really be okay. I will not feel okay until he's back home. Until then, I'd still continue to be anxious yet hopeful. I can't imagine life without my dad... and I don't want to imagine it. I'm afraid to even think of it.

With what happened to my dad, I ended up thinking... what if same thing would happen to me... will anyone even care? Or they won't even notice that I am gone? Oh how I hate the world! People would befriend you just because they need something from you. When they already got what they want, they'd leave you. Would they even care if you're at the brink of death? Sadly, I realize they won't. Only your loved ones and true friends would truly take the effort to reach you. Only those who are true would come and show how much they truly care about you.

I am shocked. I am amazed. Only a few people gave us comfort. Only a few people truly cared about us... About what we feel. I am shocked. Deeply shocked! At last, I finally see what is real and what is not. I hate to judge but... I know, if a friend is experiencing such a pain as I do, I would definitely exert an effort to give a little bit of comfort. But then, that is me. I can't expect people to do the same for me. I shouldn't expect them to do the same for me. It's a truth that is hard to accept. But unfortunately, it's what I have to learn to accept.

For those who exerted an effort to reach out and prayed for my family, I thank you deeply. Really, your prayers mean a lot to us especially during this crisis. We are in pain, I can not hide that. But your prayers and support helps us through. I just wish there are more of you but... I am happy with those who reached out and showed us true love.

To my friends who texted and emailed me, thank you very much. Unfortunately, there are just a handful of you who did but... I am thankful. And with this handful of people, some are truly unexpected. I'm amazed that some people truly care about us despite the lack of deep friendship. Thanks for having such a good heart and for showing us how you also care. Thank you thank you thank you!

I will not judge those people who didn't take the time to send us even just a simple text. We all live in a busy world so I understand. You may be "really" busy that you can't even show a little bit of compassion to others. I just hope that when it's time that you'd need that same compassion, others won't be as busy as you are. 'Coz then, you would realize how painful it is when people won't even stop doing what they're doing just to show you they care.

I would still continue to ask for even more prayers. Dad is still under observation and we still need to continually pray for him to get better. Please continue to pray for my dad. Please...

One day I will walk down that aisle.. and you'll be waiting for me with tears in your eyes

I still wish for that day to come when I finally am ready to walk down that aisle and say our I do's in front of God and in front of the people that we love. That day will come and that's the day that I will celebrate. What we had is something special and I'm happy that everything's official but still, I yearn and I still dream for that day to come. I know, I would still be blessed and God won't allow me to settle for anything less. That day will come... When? I don't know. Next year? 3 years after? I can't really say but I know, deep down, that that day will come. I yearn and I still dream for that day to come.

For now, I am content. I am happy with what we have. It's a blessing. And I continually thank God for paving the way for us and for His continuous blessing that I can't thank Him enough. I found you, I loved you, we took a vow to love each other for all the days of our lives and for me, that is enough... for now. But someday, we would finally have the realization of our dream. I will wait for that day in all anticipation... It's the day that I can finally say, I am yours... and God is our witness and no one can ever separate us. Our souls would be united and even after death, no one can pull you away from me. You and me... as one soul.

"Finally"

MMMMMMMMMM

Ever since I was a baby girl I had a dream
Cinderella theme
Crazy as it seems
Always knew that deep inside that there would come that day
But I would have to wait
Make so many mistakes
I couldn't comprehend
As I watched it unfold
This classic story told I left it in the cold
Walking through an open door that led me back to you
Each one unlocking more of the truth

I finally stopped tripping on my youth
I finally got lost inside of you
I finally know that I needed to grow
And finally my mate has met my soul

[chorus]
Finally
Now my destiny can begin
Though we will have our differences
Something strange and new is happening
Finally
Now my life doesn't seem so bad
It's the best that I've ever had
Give my love to him finally

MMMMMMMM

I remember the beginning you already knew
I acted like a fool
Just trying to be cool
Fronting like it didn't matter
I just ran away
And on another phase
Was lost in my own space
Found what its like to hurt selfishly
Scared to give of me
Afraid to just believe
I was in a jealous, insecure, pathetic place
Stumbled through the mess that I have made

Finally got out of my own way
I've Finally started living for today
I finally know that I needed to grow
And finally my mate has met my soul

[chorus]
Finally
Now my destiny can begin
Though we will have a our differences
Something strange and new is happening
Finally
Now my life doesn't seem so bad
It's the best that I've ever had
Gave my love to him Finally

MMMMMMMM

Finally, Finally

Finally
Now my destiny can begin
Though we will have our differences
Something beautiful is happening, happening
Finally
Now my life doesn't seem so bad
It's the best that I've ever had
Give my love to him finally

Ohhhhhhh, Finally, Finally, finally